Anything You Say Can and Will...

...be used against you in a court of blog. Or a Google search. Or by a market intelligence company. Something like that.

I have mentioned before that I sometimes enjoy looking at my site meter to see how some people find their way to my humble little blog. Usually it amuses yet puzzles me, but sometimes... well, it's almost scary. So here are some of the things people Googled and found their way here. I am frankly kind of reluctant to even post some of these, but here we go:

"piping for cakes", "practice frosting" - the cake decorating entry, obviously. Borrrrrring.

"James Spader" - which, we have already discussed and subsequently deleted the Crash movie review just in case James Spader was Googling himself though we know that's not likely but it's always possible and we heart James Spader, and putting a "we" spin on this may make me seem slightly less weird so that's what we will do.

"Boston Legal" - obviously associated with James Spader; I have made several references to this, it is my favorite TV show. Speaking of which, did you see the last episode about "word salad"? Wheee, what a hoot. Almost as funny as the one where he was terrified of clowns. Anyway.

"webdings and 8" - this one puzzles me, but it pointed to the entry in which I temporarily did away with webdings hiding the word fuck.

" "ass cleaning" blog" - Very disturbing search. That is a direct copy/paste of someone's Google search, and you really don't want to know what all else comes up if you Google that. The searcher was directed to my blog entry in which I talked about getting my ass busy cleaning my garage out to make way for the air hockey table. It seemed an innocent enough statement at the time...

"teddy porm" - This is without a doubt the most disturbing. You don't at all want to know what all else comes up if you Google this, either. Let me clarify that in order to find out what people Googled to get to my site, it automatically takes me to the Google search of the same. That is apparently a phrase that sickos use to try to disguise what it is they are really looking for... I am sure you can imagine what that is, I don't care to actually spell it out and have more sickos find me. I strongly recommend against you Googling that even "just to see." Take my word for it. My innocent blog entry about the kid using the word "porm" as opposed to "poem" resulted in my blog very unfortunately turning up in this sicko's search. I should probably delete that entry or at least not have brought it up again, but it's really something I think people need to know.

"Next door Nikki" - Believe me, the kinds of things you're probably thinking come up in this search are what comes up. My blog entry about my dog Nikki, who died about 2 years ago now, prompted my blog to appear in the midst of all of the other results. Ewwww.

Someone Else's Blog - one of the referrals to my blog came from someone else's blog, but when I clicked on the link to said blog, a naked lady appeared at the top of the page, which is not at all a good thing when you are at work, eek, so I made a hasty retreat and didn't stay to try to figure out WTF. I have certainly never visited their blog and I don't know how theirs led to mine. Promise. I rarely get online except for at work, remember?

"poop clogged bathtub drain? " - another direct copy/paste. Funny, not disturbing, and a result of my entry about my dog bathing adventures. Hopefully the searcher's problem was also dog poop and not um, any other sort of poop... which does bring to my mind the story of how when I was a little girl I was taking a bath and hollering at my mom that I needed to get out to go potty, only she didn't hear me, and I didn't think I was supposed to get out of the tub without her, which I probably wasn't, and so when she finally came in, she found me sitting in the tub with a turd floating in it and I had to start my bath all over again. Poor Mom. I do remember her laughing, at least. But anyway... moving along.

Oh, hey, as another aside, this last one did lead me to a highly amusing site: http://www.poopreport.com/Stories/Content/daily.html
Ok, yes, I reluctantly admit, one of my guilty pleasures is toilet humor. Some toilet humor, the actual humorous kind, not any really weird shit, pun intended... Which reminds me, I'll have to make sure I tell Jen about that site... (Just, whatever you do, don't don't don't read the entry titled "the grossest thing I ever saw." It was submitted by a nurse working in an ER. I couldn't even finish it.)

"turds survey" - also leading to the dog bath entry. I have no clue what sort of survey a turds survey might be, but if there was such a survey, I would probably be amused by it.

"Broken dishwasher clump of soap?" - some other poor soul has a broken dishwasher with a clump of soap in the bottom of it, apparently. Best wishes to you, and may your problem not stem from rats and be easily and inexpensively fixable... I still don't have a new and/or working dishwasher, in case anyone was wondering.

"webdings, craigslist" - if you've been following along the blog, it's obvious why my blog appeared on this search. What's not obvious is why anyone would search those 2 things together. Webdings is a font, not something for sale on craigslist...

"oven temperature to bake stouffer's lasagna" - I suppose a reasonable search request, if one has somehow lost their Stouffer's lasagna box between the time they took the lasagna out of it and the time they want to preheat the oven. Unfortunately for them the answer was not to be found in my entry in which I talked about my fairly new oven and how I have yet to cook anything of real substance in it.

"Carrie Underwood" - I am sure the searcher was sorely disappointed in being pointed to my blog in which I claim in not so many words to be an American Idol picking genius. Damn Paula's new contract, it should have been mine!

This one cracks me up, completely. There is one has appeared several, several times on my list, but when you click on the link, it just takes you to a login page, with no links. I finally tracked down their home page, and it is a "market intelligence company" which "tracks, analyzes and distills consumer opinions and perceptions of the online world – consisting of more than 27 million blogs, message boards, opinion sites and other public forums – into insights about companies, products, people and issues."

A market intelligence company is analyzing my blog?

Muhahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!! I'd like to read that report when they are done. Hear that, oh analyzer of me? I know you are reading this. Can I get a copy of your report on me when you are done?

And finally...

"what the hell am i doing" - Someone actually searched for that. Ah, it's so gratifying to know that I am not the only one who has ever had that thought.

What are some of the strange searches people have done and found your blog?

Happy Weekend!

7 Hours and 1 Minute Until Friday

Whee, doggies, was I wrong about American Idol's bottom 3. I only picked 1 in 3 right. But the 1 right one I picked happened to be the one I also picked to get the boot, and she did indeed get the boot, so there you go. I actually didn't think Lisa's song was that bad, but then I have never heard Kelly Clarkson's version of it.

Before you ask - yes, I live under a rock. At least, when it comes to music that isn't country music. My satellite radio is helping me with that though... but baby steps, k?

Unfortunately, I was wrong about what the Powerball numbers were going to be last night. While we were in Louisiana last weekend we noticed it was $182 million or something outrageous like that and we stopped and got some tickets. Hopefully nobody won... I have tickets for Saturday's drawing too... could be more for me to win, now.

I don't think I mentioned that I went to the doctor on Tuesday. I tried to find out what happened to Dr. Wonderful but no one was talking. The most I got out of anyone was the doctor, who just said that "she's a sweetie but things just weren't working out." Through the course of the visit I began to maybe see 1 reason why that was. We determined that my xanax was not listed in my chart at all, and the other medication listed the wrong dosage. I had those prescription bottles with me and so he straightened it out and I got my appropriate refills. It's possible that the Ambien isn't on my chart either, they didn't mention it and I didn't ask about it and didn't have that bottle with me (because why would I ever possibly need that during the day and I don't want to goof up and take it accidentally). That could actually work in my favor in the future if it's not listed on my chart though... hehehe I'm not going nutso with those though. Dr. Wonderful wrote me a 2 month supply about 5 weeks ago and I bet I haven't taken 2 weeks' worth yet.

Ok this is kind of a sucky entry but it's time for me to leave work and God forbid I stay late to try to improve upon it.

Hey, something important though - I'm sure you've heard about the whole seal hunt in Canada thing. Please go to the Humane Society page to see how you can help stop this tragic annual Canadian event in the future.

Tune in tomorrow.... same bat time.... same bat channel.... though I can't promise anything more entertaining, it will be Friday so I should be in a good mood.

And Now We Know What Free Radicals Are

Ok, so, no way am I giving up on Abby. She's tunneled her way out of the yard and been lost I don't know how many times, and was so sick once before that I wasn't sure she'd make it through the night, but I never gave up on finding her, or getting her better. As importantly, she's never given up on me, as bad a "mom" as I am sure I am sometimes, nor would she ever. My mom reminded me that years before her dog died, she had the same type of tumor that Abby has, had it removed, and went on to live a long time. Yes, Abby has other issues, but at the very least I'm getting the x-rays and taking her to see my regular vet, the one who has seen her for years, and getting a second opinion. I've been Abby's mommy all these years and mommies don't just give up on their kids, right? Right. We have an appointment for Monday.

Either way, I ordered her some of that Tahitian Noni Juice for dogs. All right, fine, call me crazy, you certainly won't be the first, but that stuff supposedly has a lot of health benefits, lots of nutrients, it could help her arthritis, and it says it "Supports the immune system, contains superior antioxidants that help rid the body of free radicals, increases energy, and allows greater physical performance levels." If cancer wouldn't be considered a "radical" then I don't know what would be...

Ok, well, I Googled it (you should have known I would): "Free radicals are aggressive atoms or molecules that cause permanent damage when they react with cell components. They are highly reactive because they have unpaired electrons. Free radicals attack the nearest stable molecule and "steal" its electron". Sounds to me like cancer could indeed be made up of or at least contain free radicals...

See? You don't just come here to be entertained and/or bored stiff and/or laugh at me and/or by total accident - you also occasionally learn stuff.

Here is an additional disturbing fact on free radicals: "Smoking creates 100,000 free radicals per puff." Ewwwwww. 100,000 is a damn lot of anything. And per puff. Damn. I'm creating millions every day, hell per cigarette. Since smoking creates so very many, I think there's my proof that cancer and free radicals are in fact definitely affiliated. I also think I really want to quit smoking now.

Ok. Happier subjects now.

For someone who knows absolutely zilch about college basketball, I did fairly well in our office bracket. I mean, I'm not gonna win or anything, but quite a few people entered, and out of 9 pages of results-to-date that we just got, listed from best to worst, I did at least well enough to be on page 1 as opposed to page 8 or 9. So far scores range from 25 right to 47 right and I got 41 right. In fact, only 12 people have (so far) more right than me. Of course, I'm out of it now, but at least that's a pretty respectable score. Thank you, ESPN. It looks like the most that it's possible for anyone to get right now is 51, depending on future game outcomes. I beat one of my attorneys by 4 wins. Nana Nana Boo Boo.

American Idol Tonight: We watched it last night, so I can make an actual informed guess. In my opinion, Kellie, Lisa, and Bucky were the worst and should be in the bottom 3. I don't suppose Kellie will be voted off because I think she has herself a good sized fan base. I like her, though she sang crappy and a bad song last night, but I am getting a little tired of her emulating Carrie Underwood. It was kind of cute at first but enough, already, and I don't think America's ultimately going to go for that image 2 years in a row. Based solely on last night's performances, Kellie should be the one to go, but I think Lisa will actually be the one to go. Bucky's time is coming though; I wasn't that impressed with his Tim McGraw.

And cut, that's a wrap.

Abby

Sorry to disappoint, but you'll have to wait on the potentially funny entry, I'm not feeling very funny today.

I mentioned yesterday that I was taking my dog, Abby, to the vet last night. Well, below is a copy/paste of an e-mail I sent out today to some of my family and closest friends (don't be offended if you consider yourself one of those and didn't get the e-mail; I am sure I consider you that too but I am not thinking too clearly today. I can already think of 3 folks I left off of the e-mail):

Hi all,

I took Abby to the vet last night, because as I have mentioned to some of you I heard her cough once on Saturday night and I have unfortunately neglected to take her by lately to have her heart murmur checked. It is supposed to be checked every 2 months or so because I was told at some point she would probably have to go on heart medication if the murmur worsens so that there is no build up of fluid, leading to congestive heart failure, which is how my other darling dog, Nikki, died a couple of years ago. Coughing is a sign of this.

While fortunately the murmur has not progressed and an x-ray showed no fluid build up around her heart and/or lungs, the rest of the news was not at all positive. The vet found a small tumor on her belly, basically kind of in the fold of her back leg, some place I would never see it because she doesn't really roll over on her back anymore (the x-ray also showed a little arthritis in her spine) and I wouldn't feel it there when I pick her up. That is why they did the x-ray, the vet is pretty sure the tumor is the equivalent of breast cancer in dogs, and it spreads easily.. She said there are no spots on her heart or lungs, but her liver looks abnormal. She also said that while there is no fluid near her heart or lungs, her heart is slowly enlarging and causing the main valve, which is supposed to be straight, to start to curve up against her spine, which is beginning to slow the flow of blood slightly.

So, to sum it up, it would be $800 for a sonogram and heart work-up to find out what specifically is going on with her heart and liver, and they probably can put her on heart medicine to correct the heart problem. They don't know exactly what it could be with the liver, cancer having spread there is a possibility but there are other possibilities, so right now it's unknown what course of treatment for that would follow the sonogram. $500 to remove the tumor, and at this point they feel they can get it all, but there is no guarantee that it hasn't already spread and just isn't showing spots on the x-ray yet because they aren't large enough to show up yet. There is also no guarantee that it won't simply grow back. Or, another one could form on any one of her other 3 mammaries. If it is cancer on the liver, then the surgery to remove the tumor would be much more extensive as they would go in to the liver, too, and therefore cost much more than $500, though she didn't say how much more, and again, may not even be effective to the point of getting rid of it all.

I asked the vet the bottom line - that being, if I do nothing, how long will Abby have a good quality of life. She said she didn't know, it could be 6 months, it could be year, or if there is indeed a tumor on her liver, it could possibly rupture at any time, meaning she could be fine one minute and 15 minutes later...

Needless to say, my heart is breaking. Abby seems perfectly fine now, I only heard her cough that one time (which apparently was just a routine cough) and no other obvious signs of anything, but apparently that could/will change. I will pursue a quote for the treatment from her regular vet (the place I took her last night has seen her before, but is a 24-hour clinic and routinely kind of expensive) but I don't really expect the financial aspect of treatment to change that much. Not having yet won the lottery, I doubt I will financially be able to pursue the treatment, and am not even sure I would want to put her through all of that for quite possibly the same outcome as if I do nothing. Because of her heart murmur, just putting her under anesthesia is a bit of a risk.

I know I have had just over 15 wonderful years with her, but this is going to be very hard. Please pray for her. And please please please, if/when you get a new female puppy, have it spayed as soon as it is old enough, before it even comes into heat the first time. The vet said that if you do that, the odds of their developing this type of cancer go down to almost none.

Sorry for the long rambling email but I wanted all of you to know and I really don't think I could even verbally talk about this right now, much less several times....

Can I Take a Nap Under My Desk?

It's very quiet today and I doubt anyone will miss me...

I have to say though that I am not as tired today as I normally am on the Monday following a trip to Louisiana. We made it home about 9:30 and I actually made it to bed a little after 10. I really wasn't that tired today until I made the mistake of eating a big lunch of salad, pizza and garlic bread... mmmmmmmm, Campisi's, but it made me sleepy. Aren't you hungry now?

We had a great visit with Phillip yesterday, the longest visit we've gotten so far. It's the first one we've had that was actually longer than our one-way drive. Though we had to wait awhile until the usual guy working the front got to us, we actually breezed right in much earlier and easier than ever before. We signed in 15 minutes after they opened. Next time we'll push harder for right on time, try to be first, and see what happens.

No matter the length of the visit, it is never long enough, and this one was no exception. Yesterday happened to be the 1-year anniversary of when all of this began. It boggles my mind to think that it has only been a year, and it is still such a long time until he comes home. I'm nowhere near as much of a wreck as I was in the days, weeks and even months after this first started, but still little things can unexpectedly set me off. Like the other day I was sending an e-mail to my dad, whose e-mail address begins similarly to Phillip's old e-mail address at work. If I don't type enough of Dad's address, then Phillip's old one pops up instead. I wasn't paying attention and a few minutes later got a "message undeliverable" response that what I sent didn't go through because I sent it to Phillip's. That was enough to set me off. It doesn't get any easier, and I am sure that it won't until he is home.

I got the dishwasher returned on Saturday, miraculously. My uncle was a big help with that. Unfortunately it looks like to get a decent one per Consumer Reports, I have to spend almost $500. Ack. I think that's going to put the new refrigerator on hold for awhile. My refrigerator works fine, I just wanted something nicer. Like with an icemaker, and water and ice in the door. This cheapo refrigerator was never meant to be my "household" refrigerator. My ex-husband and I bought it when we were staying at my parents' house. We put it in our bedroom because Phillip and his then-wife would drink all our sodas and gobble our food up. Hey, I never said Phillip couldn't be a bit of a pain at times, but I sure wish he was around to drink all my sodas up now. (He'll probably remind me that I said that when he comes home) How funny is that though, we put a full size refrigerator in our small bedroom. We were going to just get a small one but the big one was surprisingly only a few dollars more. Thus when we got the house, we already had that one. I should have made the ex take it with him as part of the divorce.

I'm taking Abby to the vet tonight. I am supposed to be getting her heart checked every couple of months, and I have been such a bad mom, it has been awhile. I heard her cough a couple of nights ago, just once, but I'm getting her in for a checkup. My Nikki had a cough for a couple of weeks before she died of congestive heart failure almost 2 years ago, which they say Abby is at risk for because she has a bit of a heart murmur. I'm getting her in today to get it checked out. Abby seems absolutely fine, but so did Nikki, except for the night cough, until the day before I took her to the vet. Nikki died as we were leaving the vet's office. The vet tried to revive her, and said she was sorry, that they knew it was serious but thought she would have time enough to complete the tests they were planning and start treatment. I still miss her and wonder what could have been if I had taken her in sooner.

Boy, I am going on about some sad stuff today, aren't I? Geez. Sorry. I've got something kind of funny in the works for tomorrow though. Check back then.

It's Friday, it's Friday, Friday-Friday-Friday!

Oh yeah it's Friday, it's Friday, Friday-Friday-Friday!

Hmm, being around a 5-year-old who sings lots of kids' songs does strange things to your thoughts sometimes.

It was particularly fun when we had all of that rain last weekend and all she did the entire time we were in the car during all of it was alternate singing "rain rain, go away, come again some other day," and, "it's raining, it's pouring, the old man is snoring..." Actually it was pretty cute. I turned off the radio and sang along with her. At least, it was pretty cute at first...

Anyway, can you tell I am happy it is Friday? It will be a busy weekend but it's still better than work. I have to get my oil changed tonight in preparation for our trip to visit Phillip, and I'd like to go ahead and get that dishwasher returned. And I need to clean out the car and do some laundry and... well, you get the idea. And of course I have to do all of that tonight because I have to work all day tomorrow at the liquor store and we are leaving tomorrow night. Busy busy.

This is kind of funny - it seems that those who are pro-T.O. are as passionate for their side as I am for mine. Here is an e-mail exchange I had with one of my fantasy football buddies, he being pro-T.O., following a heated online discussion we had on the subject:

Me: This about sums it up - link to editorial

Him: You just need to stop.

Me: Awww, what's the matter? OMG, someone agrees with ME!

Him: You guys can agree all you want. Wont be the first time multiple people were wrong at the same time. See Napoleon at Waterloo, Custer at Little Big Horn.

Me: oh you did NOT just make those comparisons LOL

Him: Thought you would like that!

And so, the battle rages on, as it were.

Have a great weekend, and here is a link for you to have fun with: Gawker.com

Sometimes, Procrastination is Good

Believe it or not, I have not yet had my dishwasher installed. It is still sitting in the box, in my garage. Fortunately, I even still have the receipt.

So today I decided to look it up with my new Consumer Reports membership, but it wasn't listed there. So, in lieu of that, I set about Googling in search of some consumer reviews. Here are some of the comments I discovered:

Pros: It's quiet, but that's because it's busy doing nothing.

Pros: provides additional storage space for your dishes, if you don't really need a dishwasher
Cons: completely useless as a dishwasher

Pros: low price, quiet, looks good
Cons: pre-rinsing may be required

Would "pre-rinsing" be something akin to "washing them by hand"?

Pros: none
Cons: Fifteen words wouldn't be enough

Most machines sound like there is high pressure water shooting through the inside, but this sounds like a light misty rain is falling.

In fact, there was not one positive comment to be found.

Um, I think I'll take it back and get another.

Tip of the Day

Always wear pants when it is windy out. Or, at the very least, wear a straight skirt, not a flowy one.

Absotively Posolutely Nothing Exciting

Well shuckydarn if I wasn't (finally) right about ol' Kevin getting the boot. Sorry kid, but it was time. You had a good run. All right, Bucky, you're sweet but I think you're next.

Sadly, American Idol was the highlight of our evening last night. Well that, and Deal or No Deal. I really like that show and the kid does too. We yell at the TV our opinions as to what case numbers they should pick next and whether they should take the deal or not. It's fun. I went to the website to fill out an application to be on the show but it turns out it's not simply paperwork; you have to do a video to send in. Ultimately that is going to be way too much effort and I'm probably not "charasmatic" enough to be chosen anyway. I think you should just be able to text your application the way you can text your vote for a shot at the $10K every show.

I was going to go out and do some errands last night, but the kid was really tired, she fell asleep on the way home from work/school, and she wanted to lay down on the couch when we got home, so I decided we would stay in and she could go to bed early. I made dinner early, got some laundry going and we settled in front of the TV. Got to bed a little earlier myself which was nice.

So far the highlight of my day today was signing up for Consumer Reports online and finding out the refrigerator I was going to buy is rated a piece of shit; so much so, apparently, that Home Depot stopped carrying it just in the past week, as it is no longer listed on their website. So now the most reasonable one that is similar that is recommended as a "good buy" is $300 more. Though obviously it is far better to know now that my intended purchase was a cheap piece of shit, than after it craps out in a couple of years, or less. I'd forgotten how useful the Consumer Reports rankings really are in making purchases. It's only $26 a year to sign up to access it online. I've already saved more than that by revising which new grill I would like to buy based on their reviews. They also have info about recalls, and a medical guide, all kinds of stuff. Useful stuff.

That's all I have. If you've suffered through this whole dull blog entry, then here is a little something fun for you. I had absolutely no idea you could do so much with an iPod: 50 Fun Things to Do With Your iPod

Adiós, Kevin, pero no mis ratas...

We haven't even watched last night's American Idol yet, but like I said, if I keep picking Kevin to get booted, then one of these weeks I am bound to be right. I know he won't be there much longer. Of course, funny that, I used to think that about Fantasia a couple of seasons ago, and she went on to win, to my dismay. I don't think I'm wrong this time, though.

Speaking of being dismayed... I heard noises from the kitchen Monday night and again last night. I was so sure I was all done with that, but apparently not. "Hello, Truly Nolen? Yes, I apparently need to schedule a visit..."

Or maybe I just need to leave a cat inside during the day.

In Other News...

You'd think there is no other news around here besides the Cowboys.

I'm trying to stop paying attention to the Cowboys, but they make it absolutely impossible around here. On the radio, television, in the paper... you can try to ignore it all, but then your friend, one of your "Yippee, I suddenly love T.O. even though I used to think he was an ass!" friends, feels compelled to read you half of the latest Cowboys story while you're trapped in the elevator going up 41 floors. And the saga only gets worse and worse, as far as I'm concerned.

Yesterday the Cowboys released 10-time Pro-Bowl player Larry Allen. He was scheduled to receive a $2 million roster bonus on April 1, in addition to his $3.5 million salary. Somehow, that was going to count $7.5 million against the salary cap. Now I was never an expert at math, but... clearly I don't understand the whole salary cap concept.

But anyway. Oh sure, release a proven player who not only still has some great playing time left in him, but has been a proven leader on this team. And be sure to do that right after you sign a guy who is known for ripping teams apart. Good call.

According to the paper, "With the release of Larry Allen, there are no players on the roster who won a Super Bowl ring--or even a playoff game--wearing a Cowboys uniform."

Let's reiterate. NO players who have even won a playoff game wearing a Cowboys uniform .

But then, come to think of it, when was the last time they won a playoff game?

I'd be really curious to know just how many players the Cowboys have who have even played in a playoff game, ever, in a different uniform. My guess is very few. And yet they've just released a treasure chest of playoff, Superbowl and leadership experience.

Are all of you sudden newby T.O. fans absolutely certain that T.O. was the missing link to a Cowboys Superbowl victory? Because as much as I doubted that before... and now with the release of one of the key leadership figures on this team... I do not see good things ahead. At all.

Oh, and I think it's important to note here... Bill Parcells can still not be reached for comment. Hmmmmm.

Thus endeth my comments about the Cowboys. Promise. That is, until such time in the probably not too distant future as I get to utter my "I told you so."

But in other news, of which there is actually plenty... According to the Colts' website, Adam Vinatieri, "one of the best clutch kickers in NFL history," has agreed in principle to a contract with the Colts.

Oh and hey, WOOHOO, guess WHAT?! The Colts are coming here to Dallas some time in 2006; the actual date schedule is not yet posted, but they've listed their opponents.

Guess who'll be in the stands with her new #18 Peyton Manning jersey on, getting to cheer on her new team in person?

I Would Like to Ruin Your Day

That was the title of the e-mail I received from my good buddy Jen, which contained the following link:

The Ideal Weight Calculator

Since it did, in fact, ruin my day, I thought I would pass along the joy. What a pal, eh?

Ok, so it didn't ruin my day, but it certainly gave me pause for thought. We're not going to talk about how far over my maximum recommended weight I am, and we certainly are not going to talk about how much over my ideal healthy weight I am.

(sigh) I may never eat again (she says, as she finishes chewing a Turtle - my favorite candy).

All right, it's really time to stop putting this off...

As soon as all of the chocolate chip ice cream at home is gone, it's Atkins diet for me. Oh, and the bread, of course. And the Dr Peppers. And the frozen french bread pizzas. And...

Well, I'm gonna need a week or so, k?

As an aside, I don't want to keep going on about my intense um, dislike of T.O. (well, ok, maybe I do), but you should read this if you get a chance, it's a hoot and for me, right on the money... Yep, this seems about right

Get Me My Toolbox and a Good Attorney, Please

Fortunately I work for a law firm, I'm sure I can get a referral. Maybe even a discount. I'll probably have to go with the temporary insanity defense. Oooh, wait, I know, can Alan Shore/ James Spader be my attorney? He could get me off for sure. (Get your mind out of the gutter, that isn't what I meant. But now that I think of it... oh my... )

I'll need an attorney because if I have to hear one more person say, "Yippee! We got Terrell Owens! Wait, what's that you say? Go Colts?? Oh, pssshaw. You'll get over that when T.O. starts catching touchdowns," I am going to clobber them. Right over the head. With a hammer. Multiple times. Until they're quiet. Very, very quiet.

Shut UP already. You idiots are positively gleeful that Jerry signed this moron. Am I the only one who remembers he stomped on our star? He is an ass. The biggest ass in the NFL, and the NFL has some biiiiiiiiiiig asses.

How come I don't know any of those folks who see things the way I do according to the comments they post online in response to various news articles on the subject? Where are those people, and how do I trade my current friends and acquaintances in for them?

Oh, come on, my friends, I am just kidding. I wouldn't trade any of you. That is, assuming you plan to shut up about how happy you are about this soon, as in NOW. This is just going to have to be one of those subjects we don't discuss. Let's see, what are we up to now? Politics, religion, my choices in men, and the Cowboys signing T.O. Make a note of it.

I have a feeling that Bill Parcells just may be one of those folks who sees things the way I do. He was noticeably absent from the press conference when the big announcement was made. Of course, granted, he's been absent from all press conferences here lately, but this was BIG NEWS, man. Parcells should have been there.

And thus, the unraveling of the Cowboys begins. But don't worry. When all is said and done, I won't say I told you so. Well, ok, yes, I will. Or maybe I will be such a Colts fan that I will simply have ceased to care at all by then.

Nah. I'm very definitely getting in an "I told you so."

This is when it is helpful that Jen doesn't like football at all. Most of the time I really hate that she doesn't, but right now it is awesome. At least I have one friend who won't "yippee" in my face.

On the upside, I'm about to make a fortune on Ebay, posting all of my Cowboys items for sale. I'll need the money to pay for that expensive DirecTv NFL package so I can see all the Colts games. Because how many Colts games do they show in Dallas on network TV?

And to think, I loved the Cowboys so much that I even have a Cowboys tattoo on my ankle. It is a baby seal wearing a toboggan that says Cowboys and has a star on it. So now I have a major dilemma.

Anyone know a tattoo artist who can turn a star into a horseshoe and "Cowboys" into "Colts"? Well, actually, I guess we're good to go on the the "Co", I just need "wboys" turned into "lts". Anyone?

Oh, and did I mention, GO, COLTS!

Where's an Ark When You Need One?

7 inches of rain in Arlington this weekend. 7 inches. Of rain. In 48 hours. It's the first time I've gotten 7 inches in quite awhile. (Oops, did I type that out loud?)

My backyard is flooded. The dogs understandably did not want to go out at all and had to be practically shoved out the door to go to the bathroom. At some point Callie must have decided she enjoyed it, because she came back inside with mud up to her doggie legpits. I did not want to go out either but, much like the dogs, I had no choice.

Of course, I had it better than the folks whose homes got flooded, or the ones who attempted to drive through water when they couldn't even see the road and got stranded. Yikes.

Fortunately I didn't encounter anything like that on the way to the bowling alley last night. That's the only place we went all day yesterday, and I debated whether to go out in the weather at all, but we'll be in Louisiana next weekend and the kid will be with her mama the weekend after that (at least, in theory) so if we didn't go then it would have been awhile till she got to go again. She has a little boyfriend her age at the bowling alley she likes to play with, his parents bowl in my league. They are so cute together. She had a good time, except when she had to have a time-out for pinching some other little girl. I didn't see it, the girl's mother told me, but the kid fessed right up and said she didn't know why she did it. I don't know what was up with that. She's never done that before that I know of. I hope that's not the start of something new and awful. I doubt it, she's a sweet kid, it's hard to imagine she would even do that at all, except that she confessed. That's the same kid who came home Friday from school talking about how they learned that even if someone doesn't have on green on St. Patrick's Day, they shouldn't pinch because it isn't nice. I don't think it will happen again.

Bowling was pretty much the highlight of the weekend. I know, that's so sad, right? Other than that, I worked on Saturday and then hung out at the house and watched it rain. Exciting stuff. But then, it was a whole 7 inches.

Well, HELL

"Cowboys sign T.O. to three-year deal

STAR-TELEGRAM STAFF
IRVING -- Terrell Owens is a Cowboy.Owens signed a three-year, $25 million contract with the Cowboys. The deal was official announced during a 45-minute news conference Saturday afternoon at the team's Valley Ranch headquarters."

Clearly, Jerry wasn't listening.

@#$%^&*!!!!!!

GO COLTS!

It's Not That Easy, Wearing Green...

...or so Terrell Owens thought, anyway.

Now it seems that Jerry Jones wants to inflict him on the Cowboys. My view on that pretty much coincides with this one.

Jerry, Jerry, Jerry - I really don't want to have to defect to another team, but dude, I promise you, I will defect if you sign T.O. Me, and lots of other folks, judging from some of the comments posted in response to some of the news stories online.

That's right, Jerry. You'll get no more "Go, Cowboys!" from me.

Let's see, what else would sound good?

"Go, Dolphins!" I've always really liked the Dolphins, but in the recent past there hasn't been a lot there to root for.

"Go, Steelers!" Last year's Superbowl champs. Are you KIDDING ME?

All Cowboys fans know better than the Redskins, the Eagles and the 49ers. And even if I get pissed at the Cowboys, I still just can't go there.

Hmmmm, who does James Spader root for? Being a Boston native, I'd guess the Patriots. Ewwwww. Sorry, James. I do like Tom Brady (he was my fantasy football QB) but I really can't bring myself to root for the Patriots for personal reasons having to do with an ex-husband and ex-in-laws. You understand, I am sure.

My Uncle Rick is a big Giants fan, which is interesting in their household when the Cowboys play them, as my aunt is a big Cowboys fan. I just don't think I can do "Go, Giants!" though. Those Yankees are MEAN when you go into Giants Stadium wearing a Cowboys jersey, trust me.

As an aside, did you know that both the Giants and the Jets play in Giants Stadium? They alternate weekends, so there is a game there every weekend. Can you imagine being the Jets and having to play in Giants Stadium? What a complex that must give them. Poor Jets. But I still don't think I have a "Go, Jets!" in me. I always did think "Vinnie and the Jets" was cute though.

"Go, Texans!" Nah. They may be the other Texas team, but again, not a lot there to root for. Besides, I'm still a little ticked that they were the first new franchise team to ever win their first game. Against the Cowboys. Though I suppose that was our own fault.

You know what I could probably do is "Go, Colts!" I've liked the Colts ever since a lot of years ago during probably their worst losing season ever, I watched them come back in the 4th quarter to score 3 touchdowns and beat the Redskins. And I like Peyton Manning. Yeah, "Go, Colts!" That would be all right. If I have to.

All right, Jerry, I have a plan of action, should you sign T.O. Are you listening???

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Is everybody wearing green? I'd hate to have to pinch ya.

TGIF. Not a minute too soon. It has been a long week. I think maybe I am starting to get caught up on my sleep. The kid went to bed super early last night too. I think she is feeling a little better this morning. Tonight is bowling night but if she isn't feeling well enough then we'll have to put it off. We're only about 4 weeks behind now for various reasons. 2 times was because Mama came and got her. I guess Friday isn't a good day to bowl, but it's the only day they have available. Maybe she'll have to bowl 2 weeks' worth every other Friday or something. I wanted to take her to Six Flags tonight because we have season passes and it recently opened for spring break, but I don't think it's a good idea right now, she is still coughing and congested, though I don't think she's had fever in a couple of days.

We still haven't watched American Idol this week yet, argh. The kid's been going to bed early and I don't want to watch it twice. I do know that my pick as to who was leaving was wrong. Ah, well. If I keep picking Kevin, one of these weeks I am bound to be right. I'm still catching up on Boston Legals. I have only one new episode left to watch, the one from this week. Whatever will I do, when I don't have one (or more) to watch every day? Boo hoo.

I entered one of those NCAA pools at work. I know less than nothing about college basketball; but then, I hadn't seen any of the movies up for Oscars and I tied for 3rd place on that pool. I thought this was worth a shot. It was only $10 bucks down the drain if not. Unfortunately I didn't keep a copy of what I submitted so I can't even track how I'm doing. I can always go back to the ESPN website and see what I picked though, hehe. I have heard there have been some upsets over what was "predicted," so I am probably not doing well. But then, neither would most other people be, I guess.

There's nothing really going on. No plans for the weekend, other than the usual working tomorrow and playing catch-up around the house Sunday before bowling that night. If the kid's better by then, maybe we could go to Six Flags on Sunday.

Happy Weekend.

I Really Should Get a Life

Ok, so I am a dork, but I was curious... remember that weird craigslist ad I told you about? The following is an email exchange between me and that guy:

Me: Sorry to bother you, I am not interested in applying for this, but I just HAVE to know... did you get any responses to this ad?

Him: no, I didn't get a reply to this. I would still be interested and will offer a barter type payment if you or anyone else is interested.

Me: Barter?

Him: I am a photographer and will be happy to do a photoshoot, fine-art nude or fully clothed in exchange. Also will be happy to consider other types of service exchange. Understand, that this is ONLY if you are above 18years old. ID will be checked and if you would like a photoshoot your ID will be photographed for the mutual protection of both parties.

Me: I see. Well thank you, I was really just curious as to whether you had gotten any responses. Good luck

Him: If I may ask, what had you so interested about a reply to this post?

Me: I really don't know. I was looking for someone to install a dishwasher and I happened upon it and thought it was unusual. I was just curious. Sorry for the bother. And by the way, you're a freak.

Well ok, actually, I left out that last sentence.

Besides, I suppose I'm a bit of a freak myself for emailing the guy in the first place. But I was curious. Come on, you know you were, too. Aren't you glad I did the dirty work for you?

At least I didn't ask what "other types of service exchange" meant, exactly. There are some things I don't want to know...

Addendum to "James Spader's Biggest Nutty Fan"

I think that James Spader just may, in fact, Google himself.

I was watching an episode of Boston Legal last night in which one of the storylines coincidentally centered around public information on the internet. At the end of the show where Alan and Denny always meet to talk on the balcony, they talked about whether they've ever looked themselves up on the internet to see what information was there.

Alan Shore does. Which of course does not tell me whether James Spader does, but I'd say odds are good he did at least once after filming that show.

Fortunately that show originally aired back in early February I think and was filmed much before that I am sure. As long as he doesn't continue to Google himself on a regular basis, maybe I'm safe and he missed my movie review. Just maybe...

Did I mention I heart James Spader?

Oh and One More Thing....

Let me just say, if the Cowboys sign T.O., I am defecting to another team....

http://www.quickdfw.com/sports/

James Spader's Biggest Nutty Fan

Ok, so I am a nut, but we knew that already.

Occasionally I enjoy checking my site meter to see how the few people who visit me found their way here. I see that someone earlier found my site by googling James Spader. Cool. And here I was thinking I'd be getting all my hits from "nude" and "exhibitionist" in the crazy craigslist entry.

Wait a minute... Oh no no no no NO!!!! What if James Spader was googling himself and saw my "review" of that Crash movie, which is what from my blog came up when I just googled James Spader? Oh say it isn't so! (Ok, it probably isn't so, there's almost absolutely no way that James Spader sits around googling himself) Great, now I'm not only talking to myself but also answering myself in my blog, just dandy. But, just in case, must delete that entry and simply say instead that Crash (the one from 10 years ago, not the new one, which I have not seen) was just not my favorite movie, and I'm over the whole thing in Crash that ooked me out, and I like almost everything else he's done, and in case you didn't notice I did already say the same thing in my blog just yesterday, in fact, that I was over that whole thing, and...and...

I heart you, James Spader.

Look, Ma, no Bitching!

Today is payday and hump day so how can there be much to bitch about? Well unless you count the fact that my online banking sent out all of my bills today and come tomorrow there won't be much left. But all the bills will be paid.

Oh poopy. I forgot that Idol has now gone to 2 nights a week and thus the results show is tonight and I haven't watched last night's episode yet. How can I make my prediction, which I know my many many readers are waiting on pins and needles for? Only 1 person is getting voted off now, so there'll be no more batting .500 - I'm either right or I'm not. I suppose I could guess who's going based on what I know of who remains - it would have to be Kevin. Nice kid, but it's time for him to go.

The kid is still sick, though she's feeling some better. We didn't go to the doctor, because my mom and I both think she just has a cold and it will have to play itself out. I did get her some different medicine that should do better than the cough and fever medicines, this one does that and is also a decongestant, which she needs. She's with my mom again today. I figured the day care would not appreciate her being there with cold germs.

There's nothing at all exciting to say. I'm all griped out and there is nothing going on really. One of my attorneys is gone for the day and I don't know where the other went but he's not here.

I'm going to Home Depot tonight to get my new refrigerator, that's exciting to me, at least. Apparently today is the last day of no payments/no interest for 12 months, I thought it ended in April, but apparently not, so I have to get it today. It sure will be nice to have an ice maker! And filtered water in the door, no more buying water, woohoo. And fortunately there is not much to hooking it up, I bet even I can do it. If not I'll have to holler for help from my uncle I guess.

Until tomorrow.

Hey, while you're at it...

...can you find new homes for the ones at my house, too?

Now I have a good reason to stay OFF of craigslist. Eek eek eek.

http://dallas.craigslist.org/pet/141881149.html

Back to the Webdings

Yes, I am still fucking sick of thinking up titles. I'm actually still working on yesterday's entry (the entry, not the title). It's quite lengthy. A whole lotta bitchin' goin' on there. I'll post it later today. I think it'll still have yesterday's date on it though.

The kid is sick today. I dropped her at my mom's this morning. Poor sweetie. She didn't have a fever when she woke up but I think she had a slight one by the time we got to my mom's. She has a sore throat and is coughing. I think it is doctor time.

I'm feeling kind of puny myself, but I think I just need to catch up on my sleep. It didn't help last night that I stayed up way too late watching Boston Legals I've saved on my TiVo. I'm weird like that, I'll save a lot of stuff up and then sit down and one particular program is all I'll watch for awhile until I'm caught up. I hadn't even finished watching the last season of BL when I started a few days ago. I'm up to last November now, just watched the one where James Spader (Alan) is terrified of clowns. (That's really a more common fear than you would think - I have a good friend who fears clowns) Hilarious (the show, not my friend) For the record, I am over the whole James Spader/Crash thing. Can I be Alan Shore's secretary?

My satellite radio has some new channels beginning today. A new comedy channel, which is cool, I like to listen to those sometimes. Unfortunately I usually tune in in the middle of something hilarious that I would have liked to have heard all of, and then nothing after that is very funny. Until of course I tune away and tune back later and the cycle starts all over. But I digress. There are also 2 new FOX news channels, the COSMO channel (as in, the magazine), and Playboy Radio.

Playboy Radio? Um, haven't they noticed that radio is not a visual medium? I am half tempted to tune in to find out. That's a creepy thought. Men driving around, listening to Playboy Radio. Remember guys, your hands belong on the steering wheel.

Ok, suddenly I'd have to say that things in my life are not comparably that bad. I just found out that a friend of mine who has been having some disturbing physical problems for the past nearly 2 weeks has just learned that they are going to test to see if she has parasites. Parasites.

Good luck, my friend. Here's hoping it turns out to be something else, something much less ooky and simple to correct.

No indeedy, things in my life are not that bad after all.

An Unleashing of Webdingless F-words

Hello, and welcome to another edition of Bitch-and-Moan-fest. I'll be your hostess, since it seems I am on my way to becoming an expert on that. Not that I like to bitch, mind you (which, I know, you find hard to believe based on that probably at least half of my entries have some form of bitching about something in them), it's just that it seems there is always so much crap to bitch about.

Maybe it's me. Maybe I am just looking at the glass as totally empty, and I need to just adjust my thinking so as to view it as having at least a drop or two in the bottom. But not today. Today, I need a good old fashioned bitch session.

Note: In today's edition, the word "fuck" will no longer be cutsily disguised by the Webdings font, i.e., the previous fuck shall now = fuck; I raise this point in the unlikely event that there are those who haven't yet figured out what fuck is.

And since Webdings are at least temporarily halted... Personal to Crystal: Every time I go through Duncanfuckingville, I wonder: Is it still dry? (That simply would not have been the same with Webdings in the middle; not that anyone else will get that)

Moving along.

Today is every bit another Monday the 13th following an exhausting, frustrating, worrysome etc. weekend. I had a monster of a headache this morning, worse than most, but this time I attribute at least part of it to 6 hours total sleep over the past 2 nights, along with at that time still not knowing wtf was going on.

Oh, excuse me. As long as we are not using Webdings, we won't be abbreviating "what the fuck", either.

Additionally, I received the tragic news this morning that Dr. Wonderful is no longer at the medical office I see her at, and I have no idea where to find her. I finally find a doctor I like (and not just because she prescribed me good stuff) and now she is gone. Fuck.

Anyway. By "still not knowing what the fuck was going on", I mean - until this morning we had not heard from Phillip since last Tuesday. Which is not like him at all. Occasionally he will miss a night calling, but often then he will call the next morning. Never has he gone even 2 days in a row without calling (unless it was near the end of the month and he was out of phone minutes).

I was puzzling over this on Friday, and when his calling cut-off time of 10:00 rolled around on Friday night and still no call, I got really worried. I decided on Saturday morning that if we didn't hear from him some time that day, I was heading out for a Sunday visit. In the meantime, Mama had picked up the kid on Friday and taken her to Oklahoma. When we didn't get a call on Saturday, my mom said she was going with me. We knew Phillip would be disappointed we didn't bring the kid, but there wasn't anything we could do about that.

Don't ask me why - in hindsight, it should have been more obvious - but in all of our discussions and ponderings and speculations about the reason(s) Phillip hadn't called, we never dreamed that if he couldn't call, he couldn't have visitors.

You guessed it. At 7:52 a.m. on Sunday, 5 1/2 hours and 335 miles after we set out at 2:20 a.m., we learned that the whole facility was on "lockdown", and there was no visitation and no one there could call out. It had been that way since Wednesday. They could offer no other information, and said that we should have called before we came.

Excuse me? And we knew that how, exactly? I have poured through the visiting guidelines and regulations numerous times, as has my mom, and neither of us ever saw a thing in there about the possibility of a lockdown and that we should call before we visit. That's because that information isn't fucking in there. It would have been good to know sooner that in the event that we don't hear from him for days, odds are there's a lockdown, and oh, by the way, call before you bother to drive 700 miles round trip to visit to see what's going on, cuz you can't, and to top it off, you don't get to know anything about what might be going on inside this place to cause such a long lockdown and whether or not your loved one is all right.

Note I have previously attempted to call facilities on the weekends for information . Seeing as how we always leave at 2:00 a.m. Sunday morning, we would have to call on Friday and hope nothing changes, because you simply can't get a person on the phone on the weekends.

Usually. Once we were given the information about no visiting and to call first, we went back to the car and I got their phone number. I called... and got a person on the phone, who confirmed there would be no visitation at all through the weekend.

Of course, who knows if they normally answer the phone on the weekends. I mean, they did have all of those guards who would normally work the visiting just sitting around with probably little to do that day except, say, answer the phone.

Gee. Sure, our useless trip there was not an intentional screwing with us on their part. But coupled with that experience, there is this one guy who screens the visitors who is very good at screwing with people intentionally. Everyone who visits knows it, and some talk about it very vocally in the waiting room while the rest of us wish they would shut up so as not to tick the guy off even more. 2 weeks ago when we visited there was even a lady trying to get everyone to sign some sort of petition against the guy. Um, good luck with that, lady. I'd love to sign it, as I'm sure would everyone else, but we don't dare. We don't want him to screw with us even worse than he's already going to when it gets to be our turn. Another lady tried to tell petition lady that it wouldn't do any good because she had already written to the warden about the guy and got no response.

That is what was even more frustrating about not being able to visit yesterday. It seems it's always something whenever we come. Yes, this was certainly by far the worst, but it is always something.

Actually, I was very good until now. After the last visit, I was so ticked I fully intended to bitch about it here -- and there, and everywhere, but decided ultimately it would probably be better not to since I send Phillip all of my blog entries to read and of course their mail is screened, and it hadn't done the other lady any good to complain to the warden and I am sure she is not the only one who already has. Now, however, between the previous experiences and this weekend, I am too fucking ticked to care. Can you fucking tell?

So... In case anyone working at the facility who is reading/screening/censoring the mail is interested in looking into the problem (which I doubt but hey, there are kind people out there), it won't be difficult for you to find out who this one guy is. Ask anyone who visited the same day we did last time. He's the guy who made sure that as many people visiting as possible had to wait until after the count was over to get back to the visiting room. We signed in at 8:40. We finally got back there at 11:00 and I think Phillip came out 15 minutes after that. Since visiting ends at 3:00, our visit was not even as long as our drive one-way. Of course, we were more fortunate than the people who got in with 4 minutes left. That's right, 4 minutes.

There were not that many people visiting - we and a lot of others could have gotten back there a lot sooner. This one guy finds something wrong with at least 1 person in every group, and then he will not move on to whoever is next while the previous offender is changing clothes/taking stuff to the car/correcting their form/fixing whatever the problem is. He waited 15 minutes for a lady to go to her car twice and change her pants. Didn't screen anybody else in the meantime, just waited on her. As he does every time.

That's why we were so excited this Sunday to get there at 7:52. You can sign in beginning at 8:00. Oh, boy! We were going to be first, definitely among the first ones in, no wasting 2 1/2 to 3 hours of our visiting time in the waiting room.

Not this time.

Funny thing. Their reading material for visitors says: "The BOP (Bureau of Prisons) encourages visiting to help inmates maintain morale and ties with family members, friends, and others in the community."

Well you could have fooled me.

This one guy's attitude is not that of one that encourages visiting. I understand they have to carefully screen visitors to be sure they're not bringing in things they shouldn't be, etc. I certainly don't want people bringing things in they shouldn't be. I'm told now that the reason for this lockdown was because an inmate attacked a guard, and once they subdued him and searched him, they found a knife. Please please please, screen us visitors for knives and other dangerous contraban. It's bad enough Phillip has to be in there, I want him to be safe. But this one guy could do his job properly without going out of his way to be a jerk. Others do.

On 2 occasions we have visited and this one guy either wasn't there or wasn't in charge of the lobby. Our experiences then were reasonable and much more pleasant. We waited a reasonable time once as others were processed efficiently ahead of us, and once we didn't have to wait at all. We had no difficulties. We know the drill, what and what not to wear, do, and bring, and we heard no complaints from any of the other visitors about the process on those occasions.

In other words, those two experiences were the exact opposite of when this one guy is working. This one guy makes the situation for everyone visiting almost intolerable. I really think that's what he is striving for. I think he doesn't believe these guys deserve anything good, like visitors, and he's trying to be as discouraging to those of us going through the visiting process as he can. Fortunately the other employees we encounter there are for the most part quite nice. (Well, except maybe for the ones we encountered yesterday who seemed just a little pleased to tell us there was no visiting, and that one guy was not even among them.)

Don't worry, Phillip. Try though he may, this one guy will never make the process intolerable enough to stop us from visiting. And neither will the lack of some pretty necessary information in the visiting guide, i.e., call before you go.

Of course, if I have any sense at all, Phillip will never read this entry, because I won't send it to him. But then, who ever said I have any sense?

I do have the sense to have their phone number stored in my cell phone now though. Do you suppose they answer the phone at 2:00 a.m.?

Ok, now, in my first attempt to view the glass as having any water in it whatsoever... we did at least get to buy some Powerball tickets while in Louisiana. It's up to $75 million you know. Boy, wouldn't that be something. $75 million. I guess I'd have very little to bitch about then, huh? And of course, what a great story that would be - why we were in Louisiana buying tickets in the first place.

Dare to dream.

What goes around...

Ok, I know I have already made 2 entries today, but I cannot resist.

You know how when you get forwarded emails in Outlook, the forwarded information sometimes comes through sort of as an attachment, and you have to click on it to get to it, in some cases maybe even several times?

And then, when you finally get to the original message, if you hit "reply", you will reply to the original sender, and not to the person who forwarded it to you?

Hence (hehehe):

I forwarded Jen (and several others) an email from a local dog rescue group about a dog who needs to be adopted ASAP or it will be euthanized. I wanted to get the word out.

A few minutes later, I get an email from her: You are about to get a huge laugh at my expense.

I wait. A moment later I get another email from her, addressed to the original sender of the e-mail, and to me:

I am sorry. I didn't intend to send that you. I have a baby and two dogs already. My friend sends me these rescue e-mails all of the time and there is no way I could take another dog. As a joke I told her that my next dog would be a basset hound and if it wasn't a basset hound I didn't want to hear about it. Rather than responding to her I responded to the attachment. Sorry. I was not offended.

I scroll down to see that she had responded originally, intending it to go to me, with "I told you if it is not a basset hound I don't want to hear about it."

The poor original sender responded: my apologies. it won't happen again, at which point is when I suppose Jen realized her mistake.

To me, that in itself is funny enough. But couple that with the fact that her mother accidentally did the same thing maybe a week and a half ago with an email Jen forwarded to her, which could have potentially had disastrous results but fortunately did not, and Jen berated her and basically told her she was computer illiterate.

So. Who's computer illiterate now?

Hello, Ameritrade?

I really should buy stock in pharmaceuticals.

For sure, work is causing my headaches. I was fine this morning, and 40 minutes after I got to work, BAM. Headache. I can just almost get it to go away, but not quite. But it is nearly always gone by the time I get home from work.

What the hell do you do about THAT? I mean aside from winning the lottery, as previously mentioned. I guess I could take something before I get to work, as sort of a preemptive measure. But geez. Maybe it isn't actually work; maybe I need a new glasses prescription and staring at this screen most of the day is what does it.

*****

I am still batting .500 on my Idol picks. Dammit, I should have tetered all the way towards Ayla I guess. Ah, well. I really can't believe that Kevin didn't go yet. I predict he'll go next week, and I haven't even heard next week's performance yet. I don't need to. Nice kid but I just haven't cared for his singing from the start.

*****

Supposedly the kid's Mama is coming to get her tonight for the weekend. We will see. This is actually not "her" weekend, hers being the odd-numbered weekends as it were, and I did have something I wanted to do with the kid myself this weekend. But Mama got the bright idea to tell the kid about it on the phone last night first and have her ask/tell me.

My my my, wasn't that clever of her. What was I gonna do then, say no, and upset the kid? Precisely what Mama was counting on, no doubt.

This is the first and last time that's gonna happen. I didn't take the phone last night and talk with her then because I cannot really have a private phone conversation with the kid around, but when Mama picks her up tonight, she better watch the fuck out. While it is true that she doesn't take her most of the weekends that she could, that does not mean that she is thus entitled to just take her whenever she wants. She's also going to stop calling and leaving me voice mails which ask me to break it to the kid when she has told her she was coming and then isn't able to.

I worry about her going up to Oklahoma. I know her Mama loves her and I'm sure she takes as good care of her as she can, but who really knows what the situation is up there? All we have to go on is what she tells us, and we know from past experience that that is usually at least 50% lies. And what she tells us is generally bad enough on its own.

Ultimately though, I am appreciative that Mama did at least have sense enough to realize her situation and willingly signed the papers to let the kid stay with me.

But anyway. Looks like it may be a kid-less weekend, which is kind of nice in some ways. But it's almost too quiet, you know? I'll miss her.

Happy Weekend.

I really want to know what that pays

I don't know why I don't surf Craig's List more often. I almost always find something hilarious when I do. I was checking it out this morning thanks to a suggestion that I might find an appliance installer on there (which I indeed may have), and among the various services posted was this ad:

"I am looking for a 20-something female to explore her exhibitionist side and clean my apartment in the nude. Pay is negotiable. Pictures will be taken and ID checked."

Ok, so what was I doing looking at an ad entitled "Nude Housekeeper Wanted," you ask. I couldn't help myself. I had to know. You'd have done the same.

Unfortunately, Jen says I won't still pass for 20-something.

(That, of course, was a joke. Just in case there was any confusion. At all. Just checking.)

Yay. I now have the words "nude" and "exhibitionist" in my blog. Wonder how many search hits I'll get for that.

Blog Entry Number 56

Can you tell I am reeeeeeeeeeeally tired of thinking up titles?

Why, oh why, is it so hard to find someone to install a couple of appliances for a reasonable price, at a reasonable time of day and who shows up at least close to the time they say they will?

I really don't want to pay half what I paid for the dishwasher to have it installed, nor as much as I paid for the vent hood to have it installed. And I don't want to have to be home "between 12 and 4". I realize it is probably hard to pinpoint precisely when they can be there, but could we at least get it down to a 2-hour window? Preferrably at either the beginning or end of the day. Is that really being that picky?

Apparently.

You can find anything online these days. Maybe I should just google "dishwasher installation for dummies" and see what I find and do it myself.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Whew, that was a good one, huh?

*****

I wasn't that impressed with the guys on American Idol last night. I think Kevin and Will are deserving of the boot tonight, and I think I am going to go with Melissa and Kinnik for the girls. Paula may dig it, but I think Ace needs to stop the falsetto stuff - just horrible. I like him when he doesn't do that. I think I am with the majority when I say that Chris is the best. I get a real kick out of Taylor though; I think he would be a fun guy to hang out with.

*****

I have a headache again today. I think I am almost single-handedly keeping the BC Powder company in business. I have decided these headaches are work-related. I don't seem to get them anymore unless I am at work. I am really ready to just go ahead and win the lottery so I can cut out this work thing. I mean, not that I wouldn't work, but I would do something I actually want to do and I wouldn't have to worry that it didn't pay anything. I'd like to work with dogs. Which would be a lot of fun but could also be very bad because I would probably end up with way more than 5. But anyway. C'mon lottery, I'm ready for ya.

Great Minds and All That...

Hmmm, I guess I am not the only one who feels the way I do about the proposed new minimum mandatory sentencing law, about which I received a phone call a couple of weeks back and posted my thoughts about. Today I received an e-mail from an organization called FAMM, which says in part:

H.R. 4472, the Children's Safety and Violent Crime Reduction Act of 2005, contains many new mandatory minimum sentences and will result in the unintended outcomes that mar every other mandatory minimum-bearing law.

You don't say. Click here to view support and opposition for H.R. 4472 and to read the text of the bill.

******

Moving right along. We watched the girls on American Idol last night. I must say I agree with Simon in that Melissa and Kinnik should go, but I'm tetering on saying that in actuality it will be Kinnik and Ayla who actually do go. Ask me later, I'll decide by then. That Kellie Pickler is just almost a little bit too cute. I'm just waiting for some big juvenile delinquent past to be revealed. That's doubtful I suppose. She's good, though I disagree with Simon that she's better than Carrie Underwood.

******

What else? Nada. Zilch. Zappo. Still looking for someone to install the appliances. Truly Nolen is coming again today. I have a bitch of a headache and someone has been printing stuff non-stop all morning so the noisy-ass printer is going constantly. I read something scary on the internet this morning that said a sudden severe, incapacitating headache could be a sign your brain is bleeding. Fortunately I have decided that my headache, while sudden and severe, is not incapacitating so I think I'll live.

I have also decided that we will probably be going to visit Phillip on the last Sunday of the cake decorating class, so I should probably not bother to go to the next 2 classes if I cannot attend the last class where you do the really fancy cake. Well, as fancy as the beginners class gets. I told Jen this and mentioned I should probably sign up for the Monday evening class next month. She asked if I cared to make a bet whether I will go or not. So now I am giving up 4 Monday evenings, 2 hours a night, for ultimately dinner at the restaurant of my choice. And, of course, the knowledge of how to basically decorate a cake. Obviously she feels pretty certain that I will not go to this class.

Have I got news for her. While I may not be interested in becoming a professional cake decorator (though it would be fun to know a little something), I am very interested in big juicy steaks paid for by someone else. She actually said as proof she wanted a picture of me with my cake at the class location (which is a crafts store chain). What, so I have to be a dork and take my camera and be like "will you please take my picture with my cake?" Not. She finally agreed that a picture of my cake at my house will do. This should be interesting.

Now who can I hire, beg or blackmail to take this class for me for less than the price of a steak?

Happy Hump Day.

Is She Cute or What?

Today was Parents' Day at the kid's dance class. A teacher comes to her daycare/school each Tuesday and they do ballet and tap. She was so excited that I could come, and the girls were all so cute! This is actually the second one they had, and though I attended the first, I forgot the camera last time. It is easy to see what a great time she is having:


They are having a recital in May and they gave us a "preview" of that. I'll have to get the video camera going for that one.

Nothing exciting last night - home, dinner, laundry, bed, the usual. Quiet today at work. Have not heard anything from the appliance guy about installing the dishwasher, so I got back on the Service Magic website to make another request. That is where I found this guy so I'm not that hopeful, since my request today only turned up 3, he being 1 of them. One of the others calls himself a "handyman", and he may well know how to install appliances, but I'd feel safer with someone who is a real appliance person. Maybe the other one will pan out, although they don't have a great record with the BBB; they have a couple of unresolved complaints. What to do, what to do.

That's about it. Boring day, kind of disinterested in blogging today I guess. GO VOTE.

Oh, and you HAVE to check out GIZOOGLE, it is hilarious. Go there and type in any website. Blogs are fun to use. Thanks to Stacey for that one!

Tip of the Day

Don't have Taco Bell for lunch and a Starbucks coffee for desert. Gotta go.

A butcher, a baker(?), a procrastinator

Let's start with a Monday morning laugh. You have to go and read this entry by Miss Zoot, it is hilarous.

Something else hilarious (to me anyway) - I entered an "Oscars pool" at work, where you pick who you think will win in each of 24 categories. I tied for 3rd place with 17 correct. Which is pretty awesome and funny, considering I have not seen a single one of any of those movies. Not one. In fact, I can't remember the last movie I saw in a theater. I do remember who I saw it with, which would put the last one some time in early 2002. Sad, I know. In fact, it doesn't seem as though it could really have been 4 years since I have gone to a movie, but I do believe it has been.

And by the way... I didn't know when I made that previous entry about the movie Crash with James Spader that there was a new movie with the same name. I did remark, if you recall, that the movie was 10 years old, so I cannot be held responsible for any confusion that may have caused to any of the millions of readers of my blog.

I took Abby to the groomer this weekend. She is scalped. Butchered, if you will. In fact I have never seen her look as she does now. I didn't ask them to scalp her either, and so it wasn't a good surprise. (I intended to take a picture to post but I will have to do that tomorrow.) It kind of reminded me of the first time she got groomed. It was when Jen and I were roommates (more years ago than I care to count; Abby was probably 1 so that gives you some idea how long ago) and she took Abby to the groomer to surprise me. I was surprised all right. She did call me at work to "warn me" before I came home, but I still wasn't quite prepared for what I saw. That really had everything to do with that it was the first time she had been groomed and not that it was horrible or anything, though. It really was a thoughtful thing for her to do, especially since now every time I take Abby to the groomer it seems to get more and more expensive and it didn't start out cheap. I could buy a great pair of clippers for half what a grooming costs and scalp her like she is now myself for free from now on.

Some time I'll have to expand on when Jen and I were roommates. The longest 6 months of both of our lives, I think. Great friends, terrible roommates. It's a wonder we and our friendship survived it. Oh, and then when we were moving out I let my then teenage brother have a party there. Let's just say it started Friday night and I was taking the last of the party goers home on Sunday night. Wheeeee. Remember Gang Green? (only 2 people who read my blog will get that)

Anyway. As people who know me well may have guessed - I did not make it to the cake decorating class yesterday. It wasn't my fault, though. I was perfectly ready, willing and able to go. However... Jen called and said she didn't feel like going because she had... well let's just say an upset stomach (which is not the way she phrased it to me but we don't really need to go there). We had decided to start the class next month, but then she e-mailed me this morning to say that she found out we didn't really miss much, just how to make a cake and icing (which, in a cake decorating class, would seem to me the most important part, but hey, what do I know?) and we should feel free to continue in this class this week.

You should SEE the list of things were are supposed to bring to class this Sunday. Ok, I'll show you. I have actually edited it down a bit:

Apron (if you want) (because I wouldn't want to muck up my bowling clothes with frosting goop)
Damp cloth or sponge (or 2, or 10)
Scissors (is this what they're cutting cakes with now?)
Toothpicks (in case you get some of that stiff frosting stuck in your teeth?)
Plastic bags to take home dirty things used in class
Waxed paper (for your rainbow transfer) (my what?)
Waxed paper squares (about 6 for practice roses) (something tells me I'm gonna need more than 6 practices)
PRACTICE FROSTING (for use with Practice Boards) (practice whats?)
½ cup THIN consistency with ¼ teaspoon piping gel added to practice writing (you can color this to use for the writing on your cake after we’re finished practicing) (WTF is piping gel?)
1 cup MEDIUM consistency to practice borders (you can use the white that we will need for the clouds and border on your cake)
½ cup STIFF consistency to practice roses (this can be colored and used for your final cake for Lesson 4)
All the items in your Course 1 Kit
Parchment triangles, featherweight bags or disposable bags
Icing Colors
Piping gel (again, WTF is piping gel?)
8” round layer cake (any flavor) iced with light blue THIN consistency Class Buttercream Icing – you can put the cake on a plate, a cake circle, or right on the turntable. (what flavor goes with light blue frosting?)

I am pretty sure I have never seen canned frosting for sale in varying consistencies, so I am going to have to follow the instructions for making it. Which is scary, very very scary.

Somehow I doubt I could get away with just bringing those tubes of colored gel-stuff-that-isn't-frosting that you can buy to write on cakes with. Oh wait. Maybe that is piping gel.

I can see it now. I'll probably be heading to the grocery store at 2:00 on Sunday...

Bear in mind, class begins at 4:00. How long does it take to bake a cake mix?

Happy Weekend (for lack of a better title)

Well I almost batted 1000. But .500 again isn't bad.

American Idol Update: Heather and Brenna, David and Jose got the boot. I had mentioned all of those but ultimately Brenna and David weren't the ones I figured would go this week. Ah, well, maybe next week. This time I wisely waited until the show had been on for 30 minutes to start watching so I could forward through all the parts I didn't want to hear.

I still don't have an installed, working dishwasher or a new vent hood. Apparently the guy came early and somehow I missed him while I was in the garage doing laundry or out back with the dogs or something. I tried to call him last night at just past the time window he had given me, spoke to him briefly, but got cut off and then got voice mail. This morning he told me he had gotten there early and saw my car but there was no answer. He said he will be able to come back some time this weekend but he will have to get back with me as to when. ARGH!!!!

Have a couple of plans for the weekend. Taking the kid to bowl tonight for her league, then will probably go home and do some laundry and go to bed early - wheeeee, my exciting Friday nights now. Working all day at the liquor store tomorrow as always. Sunday I have plans to overhaul the kid's room with some new shelves and basically going through all of her toys and organizing everything, etc.

Then at 4:00 Sunday I am taking a cake decorating class with Jen. Anyone who knows me must surely be gasping at that. I can't remember the last time I even baked anything like, real. I bought my new oven last March because my old one was, well, old, and about 25 degrees off temperature-wise, and I wanted to bake a low-carb cheesecake, which requires precise oven temperature. I still haven't done it. In fact, probably the only thing that new oven has been used for in the last almost year is frozen pizza. Maybe a Stouffer's lasagna. Anyway. Cake decorating. Sounds kind of fun and it would be something fun to do with the kid. It'd be awesome to be able to make her (and others) really cool birthday cakes, too. Should be interesting. I'm generally not the creative, imaginative type, but maybe I can be taught cake decorating. It's 4 Sundays, 2 hours each day.

Why doesn't Target carry velcro? I went at lunch to get some because the little suction cup that goes on the windshield that holds the mount for my Sirius came off the first day the temp got over 75, telling me it simply isn't going to hold in this Texas heat (yes, in March; can't wait to see what it does in, say, August if it's this hot now), so I decided I could velcro it to the dash. A fine idea, I think - if I could find some freaking velcro. The cashier said "Go to Big Lots." Lady, if I wanted to go to Big Lots, I'd be at Big Lots, not here at Target, and besides, I've spent so long looking for velcro that I now have 10 minutes to get food at crappy Whataburger and drive back to work. Fortunately it's quiet today, all of my attorneys are out, so no one noticed I was a little late. Uh oh. I left the Reese's Easter eggs in the car. I'd better go get them before they melt.

You may have noticed I haven't mentioned Atkins this week and now I have apparently purchased candy. I should probably quit mentioning Atkins until I've actually started it.

Which will be right around the time I bake that low-carb cheesecake.

Oh, I almost forgot

American Idol prediction: I think we'll be saying goodbye to Melissa, Heather, Kevin and Jose tonight. I would say David, but I think lots of teenage girls will vote for him. I don't think Sinatra songs will carry him much past this week, though. That Brenna chick seriously needs to go, but I'm not sure this will be the week.

I find that I don't think any of the girls are particularly spectacular, while there are several of the guys I am rooting for. I think the talent overall is not as good as it was last year.

Time will tell.

If I gave this a descriptive title, you wouldn't read it

Hmmmph. The appliance guy called yesterday afternoon to reschedule because his helper's kid was sick and he needs 2 people to install the vent hood. Which is fine, he is coming today between 6 and 7 so I wouldn't have had to take off work early again or anything. Except that the Truly Nolen guy didn't show up last night. I called them this morning and the lady said she tried to call my cell phone yesterday to say he wouldn't make it and reschedule - but there were no missed calls or voice mails. She said voice mail never picked up. So now it is today at 5:00, which means I'll have to take off early again.

That's all pretty boring, what else do I have... let's see... oh. OH. Ugh. You'll love this. Not. It's kind of disgusting. Last night once I finally conceded that Truly Nolen wasn't coming, I asked the kid to let the dogs in. She opened the door and they all came bounding inside, except for Abby. She called and called, and finally I went and called, nothing. She hasn't been getting out since I fixed that one spot in the fence, but I went out front to check anyway, nothing. Back out to the back, called again, and finally spotted her in a corner of the yard, in her "taking a shit" stance.

Abby doesn't like it when you watch her going to the bathroom. I mean, not that I intentionally want or try to do so, but if she catches you looking her way while she's going, she'll give you this pained expression and if you keep looking, she'll stop and move somewhere else. The same dog who will shamelessly gobble cat poop is modest about shitting in the yard, go figure.

Anyway. I spotted her in her stance, so naturally I looked away, and waited. And waited. And waited. Ultimately it became clear that was some sort of problem.

She was having difficulty because... well, how do I describe this? She had globs of shit stuck all over her butt and it was "in the way" and she couldn't push any more out.

I told you this was disgusting.

Additionally she had managed to walk through the muddiest part of the yard and her feet were completely caked with mud.

Here's where the fun begins. She was a little distressed, so I petted her and tried to calm her, and told her I would be right back (yes, I talk to my dogs, all the time, what about it???). I went in and started running a bath. Then I tried to carry her into the bathroom without any part of her touching me, which of course was impossible. The minute her feet hit the water, it turned brown with mud. I had to work the clumps of mud out of her paws and from under belly.

Unfortunately, I didn't have the foresight to grab some of those disposable latex gloves I keep around for really disgusting jobs like, oh, say, disposing of rats, and THIS. If you know anything about bathing a dog, you know that you had better have everything you need when you put the dog in the tub because there's no going off and leaving it and expecting it not to jump out of the tub and streak across the house. Sooooo.....

I'm not even going to type it out loud but you get the idea. Fortunately I have a shower-sprayer thingy which helped tremendously. But then... I had pulled the plug because the tub was getting too full and the water was so dirty, and big balls of poop clogged the drain up so the water wasn't draining at all. (gag gag) I put the sprayer on the single powerful stream, turned the water on full hot, and had to kind of melt them down the drain. I wasn't about to dig them out barehanded as I probably should have done. I'm off to Target at lunch for some Liquid Plummer, just in case. Hopefully it comes in scented.

So Abby is finally clean, and I am soaking wet and not smelling so nice myself. I wrapped her in a towel, changed clothes, and went and sat with her on the couch. She was shaking like a leaf. I didn't know if there was something wrong and she needed to go to the vet or if it was a "one time freaky thing" and she was shivering from being wet. Eventually she warmed up and when I got up for something, she jumped down and got a drink of water. She seemed fine. Until I caught her in the shit stance, in the house. Too late. A little watery turd came out, that was it. Ok, not so bad. Cleaned it up, sat back down on the couch, she jumped up. As she was turning around in her circle to settle down, I heard a little watery fart and then a tiny blob plopped out onto the couch. Ewwww. Fortunately I have leather couches so it was easy to clean. I took her outside, nothing else happened, and she's seemed fine ever since.

Aren't you so glad I told that story? Welcome to my life. Woo freakin' hoo. The most important thing though is that Abby is ok. I guess you can indeed endure anything for your kids.

E-mail, you suck

Sometimes I really hate e-mail. You can write something with one intention or tone in mind, and someone else reads it entirely differently and gets offended or their feelings hurt.

Jen, I do NOT think you are fat. End of discussion. (And by the way, I wasn't the one who started the discussion about fat, either)

How many times a day do you think the expression "I do NOT think you are fat" is uttered, 99.5% of the time by the male species?

Wishywashystuff

American Idol update: I have no idea which of the girls should be voted off, because I haven't watched last night's episode yet. So tonight I'll be watching last night's and tonight's episodes. It must have been some show last night, and the consensus I get from looking online is that Brenna should go because of her bad attitude. Should be interesting. I'm digging that new game show, Deal or No Deal. I watched a bit of it before leaving to get the dishwasher, and set the TiVo for it.

Truly Nolan is coming this afternoon, and I'm getting my new dishwasher and vent hood intalled today. Big fun. It will be nice once all of that is done though.

Oh look, another quiz. This one sure is leaving a lot of space. I wish I knew more about editing HTML. Of course, knowing anything would be knowing more... This quiz is "Which Peanuts Character Are You?" Gee, I always wondered that.

Schroeder Wishy-Washy: 68%, Mental: 62%, Physical: 46%

A prodigy from his very first appearance, Schroeder idolises Beethoven and spends most of his free time at the keyboard of his piano. He plays backstop for Charlie Brown's baseball team, but his heart belongs to classical music. The best way to get rid of annoying distractions is to yank the piano out from under them.

Link: The Peanuts Character Test written by timberlineridge on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Wishy-Washy: 68%? Though perhaps I should be most concerned about the 62% mental... Hmmmmmmmm...