When "No" Means "Yes"

ARGH.

Well, ok, not in caps maybe, but definitely Argh.

The kid is back to itching. Not a lot, just a tiny bit, and I did get the super duper pricey "I promise to kill all lice and eggs with just 1 treatment" treatment in the mail yesterday. So we'll be doing that tonight. The kid is gonna love it, I tell you. This one has to set for 30-40 minutes as opposed to 10 minutes for the others we've used. But if longer does the job, then longer it will be. I guess while it is setting I can re-change all the bedding and spray everything. Again. Where is that Mama, anyway? I've never been in a physical fight in my life (well save for torturing Phillip before he got big enough to fight back) but I've got my fists clenched over this lice deal, let me tell ya.

Now that you're all sick of hearing about lice.

Ok, but one more thing.

I was hoping that the kid hadn't gotten too too close to the one-year-old guest of honor at the birthday party she attended that Mama dropped her off at. In looking back at the pictures, I can see that hope was in vain:



Please don't hate me. I am sorry. I knew not what I did. I promise. Please don't hate me. Though I might hate me if I was you.

So have I mentioned lately that I still do not have a dishwasher? Nope. Sure don't. Well, I take that back, I have one, I do not have one that works. That is all about to change though. I'm going to Home Depot to get one tomorrow night - 10% off and no payments/interest for 12 months, woohoo! The magic words. I have it all picked out, it will match my new (did I mention stainless?) fridge.

The Greatest "NO" I Ever Heard...

This morning:

Me: Hey sweetie, is your head itching this morning?
Kid: No.

AWESOME! Woohoo! Light at the end of the long, licy tunnel? I can only hope.

In other good news, apparently my ice maker does indeed work. I guess it just wanted to fill itself up before it spit any ice out or something. Crushed ice right outta the door ROCKS.

Some days I think my stupid hangover will never go away. Oh the hangover itself is gone, but the after effects just keep going and going and going. Sigh.

Oh, and Did I Mention, SHIT?

Hey, guess what? 1 lice treatment doesn't cut it, and you'd better not wait 7 days between treatments. I'll bet you all knew that already, didn't you? Crystal tried to tell me, but did I listen? Nooooooooooooooo. I crossed my fingers and hoped that my other friend, my "just do it again in 7 days" friend, was right.

So, to Walgreens I shall go at lunch, to arm myself further against the little fuckers. All the miracles of modern technology, and they haven't come up with something that can kill these little demons with 1 treatment? Are you KIDDING me?

Apparently not. SIGH.

Ok, well, on a happier note, I got my new refrigerator delivered Wednesday and it is awesome. Except that, SHIT, for some reason the dude thought there was a leak when he hooked it up, so he hooked it up and turned the water off. My uncle came to look and said no, there's no leak, don't know why dude thought there was one, and turned the water on. There indeed does not appear to be a leak, and I love getting water out of the door now except that it tastes like new plastic water line, but for some reason, I STILL don't have any ice. SHIT.

Oh but hey, pool guy is coming out Monday to drain and clean the pool. Because it's full of green SHIT right now. However, it's evaporated so much that there's little to drain. The water doesn't even come up to the top of a beer bottle. I know this because there is a beer bottle standing in the bottom of it and I can see the top inch or two of the bottle.

HEY, does pool chlorine kill lice? I may be on to something here. Just maybe, things are looking up!

Let's See, What Else?

Cesar got his stitches out today. I am sure we are all going to be happy he is not walking around with the lampshade/conehead thing on anymore. Poor baby. Poor me and my house. He knocks into everything with that thing, including everything say, on my coffee table, and I think the backs of my legs are totally bruised.

Let's see, what else? Got my new refrigerator delivered yesterday, it is pretty awesome. First time in 7 years I have lived with an icemaker, wheeee-ya! Did a lot of cleaning up in the back yard and made arrangements for the pool guy to come on Monday and finish draining the practically already drained pool and clean it up, get it ready to re-fill. Once that is done and I'm finished cleaning off the back patio, I can haul my new grill out of the garage and have a barbecue. Wanna come?

Let's see, what else? Dog bite looks 95% better. Still feels funny though. I suppose it might for a long time.

Itchy Itchy Itchy

Shitty. Shitty shitty shit. And did I mention, SHIT?

Mama sent the kid back from Oklahoma with lice.

The kid's cousin had such a bad case of it that they apparently cut her hair off very short in an effort to get rid of it. Poor cousin hates it, she thinks she looks like a boy. If it's as short as they say, she probably does. Poor girl.

I suppose I should at least be grateful that Mama didn't try to deal with the kid's infestation in THAT manner.

However, she dropped the kid off to me on Saturday afternoon, on the doorstep of a kid's party that we were attending, assuring me that she did not think the kid had gotten lice. How fucking irresponsible is THAT?

Personally I didn't know what to look for. Never had it myself, never had to determine if anyone else did. So after the kid spent the last couple of days scratching, I went to a professional, who advised that unfortunately, yes, she has lice. Well, one lice and a few nits. Or would it be a lie? One lie, 2 lice? You know, like die and dice? Who knows. At any rate.

So we were having some fun last night, let me tell you. The kid's hair is almost down to her booty, as she would say, and so combing through every last bit of it with that itsy bitsy comb they give you was quite a chore. Took over an hour. And to my understanding I have to do it again in a week.

I swear to God I am going to kick Mama's ASS.

In fact, 2 ass kickings are in order. The kid only made it back with about 2/3 of the clothes I sent with her. Upon reviewing matters with a divorced-with-child friend, it seems that most parents maintain their own supply of clothes etc. and do not routinely shuffle backpacks of clothes back and forth on visits. No doubt I would have engaged in this practice except that Mama has no clothes for the kid at her place.

Oh THAT is SO going to change. Next time, the kid goes with nothing but the clothes on her back.

And maybe a showercap to keep her hair up in the entire visit.

The Dog Count is Rising

But that's more than ok! I got my darling Randi back, and I also got adorable Cesar:



He is adorable and so sweet! Right now he is a "cone head," as he just had surgery and the cone stops him from picking at his stitches. His scrotum had to be removed, poor dear. I joked on Saturday that Cesar is now She-sar. I know - that's just WRONG. Poor baby. He feels fine, and will get his stitches out in a few days.

Yes, the count is up, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Randi's Coming Home!!!!!!!!!

Apparently, Randi's not as happy at her new home as I had hoped.

I get to go pick up my sweet girl tonight. Her new mama says she is sad and won't eat or go to the bathroom and she feels that Randi is not happy there. She feels she won't be happy with apartment life after having a back yard and other boxers and kids to play with.

Maybe she's right. At any rate, I am absolutely ecstatic. I have been depressed and mopey the past few days without her. My dogs cheered me up some of course, but I miss my Randi girl.

Well of course, I'm not totally ecstatic. The girl who adopted her feels very bad, she loves Randi already, but says she sees that Randi isn't happy and wants to do what is right for her. That is very admirable. Somewhere out there is the perfect dog for her and I hope that she finds it.

I almost didn't get Randi back, as the group said that since I have made a commitment to Cesar (pics coming soon), Randi would have to stay with this lady until a foster became available. I voiced my concern over her health if she is not eating or pottying, and said I'd be happy to have both dogs. They agreed and the rest is soon to be history. I get Randi right after work, take her home, and go up to the vet's office and get Cesar.

I'm not letting Randi go again. It is the rescue group's policy to not adopt females to households that already have females, but I know for a fact they have made exceptions in the past, and I will ask for (and beg if necessary) an exception. I don't want to go through giving my Randi girl up again.

Poor Cesar just had surgery yesterday morning and will need to be kept quiet for awhile. Could be quite a feat at my house but I think I can manage it. Bless his heart, his - uh - scrotal area was swollen and so they had him on antibiotics but those weren't working as well as they hoped so they had to - uh - remove it. Poor guy. (Or would it still be guy?) Anyway, he is a white boxer cutie and will look cute with my 2 whities.

I think I have a full house now.

Maybe I'm Not Cut Out for This Fostering Thing

So I took Randi to her new foster home last night. Her new mommy is a nice girl, has a nice place, etc., and I am happy for Randi having a great new forever home, and yet... it feels like my heart is breaking.

I don't know what it is. I tried not to cry as I was leaving her, though I didn't particularly succeed, and as soon as I got back to my car I just bawled like a kid for about 10 minutes before I could even drive.

I didn't have this problem with the other 2 dogs I fostered. But then, I placed them with people I knew, and knew I would have the opportunity to see them again. Not so with Randi. And Randi is somehow one of the more special dogs I have known. Maybe it's that she was around the day I got bit, and even in my state of shock afterwards I could tell Randi knew something was up and was very concerned, and she was so sweet and helped me remember that dogs are awesome and most of them don't bite. And that she would have ripped the other dog apart if she had actually been there. She told me that, ya know.

She's sweet like that.

Happy New Life, Randi.

Please, People

When you see this picture on AOL's main sign-in screen -




- just know that this is by no means representative of ALL Texans.

Now I've Gone and Done It

My blog now officially comes up when one Googles "toilet humor." Excellent.

Ouchie Revisited

Remind me the next time I go to have stitches removed to take 2 pain pills an hour beforehand and have someone drive me.

That was not quite as painful as being bit and stitched originally, but it was no walk in the park either. To top it off, he may not have gotten all of them because there is a little scabbie thing under which he thinks there is one or two more and he wants to wait until it comes off on its own to see and so I might have to go back.

The good times just keep coming on this little adventure, let me tell ya.

I guess the good news is Doc said I have done an excellent job keeping it from becoming infected. That is a big concern when they actually have to stitch dog bites, I guess, stitching all those dog germs up inside and all. That's an ooky thought.

In more good news, I finally this morning confirmed with Animal Control that they have the dog in quarantine. It certainly took long enough, especially when they knew since Monday who owned the dog and where it was, yet it didn't manage to get quarantined until either Wednesday or Thursday.

I told Jen earlier, my name may not be Earl, but I am with him on the whole karma thing. My parents had a dog who was quarantined 3 times for biting people - never in the face, though. She was a "back biter," she'd get the back of your leg as you were walking away. Still painful, I am sure. At any rate, they were fortunate enough to never get sued over any of the bites.

I figure that karma probably wants me to return the favor. Which I plan to do.

But DAMN the owners of this dog make it HARD when they won't even cooperate in quarantining the fucking dog.

Note to Self

The next time you think more people than usual are looking at you strangely because of your stitched and swollen mouth - check your zipper. The zipper that happens to be on the side of those particular pants. The pants you are wearing with the short-ish shirt that was in no way covering the zipper at the time.

I know I Keep Harping on This, but...

Hey, Jerry... THIS is what you signed to the team. A guy who is an ass to little kids:

From the Dallas Quick today:

Kids get a bit of T.O.


NORTH RICHLAND HILLS – A kid on the bleachers' front row voiced the thoughts of everyone starting this two-day camp.

"Are we gonna see him to-day?"

Welcome to Terrell Owens' "Making of Champions" youth football camp, where T.O. didn't show up yesterday until 5 p.m.

Before long, Owens became mildly frustrated that QBs couldn't get the ball to receivers and started throwing himself.

"Have y'all ever seen a better QB?" he asked.

"Donovan McNabb," said one kid, giggling.

Forty-five minutes later, he was finished. Kids pressed for autographs.

Tomorrow, he told them.

But no one complained. Kids forgive easily.

Harumph. Kids may forgive easily. Me, not so much.

CONFIDENTIAL to the Person Who Found Their Way to my Blog by Googling "make me not crazy:"

Google has like, WAY mislead you, friend. You won't find that here.

But do please let me know if you find that anywhere on the internet...

I Will Never Say "BITE ME!" Again

That's for sure. Bad karma. I am sure that is why this dog bite thing happened, you know. I said "oh, BITE ME!" just one too many times and here came karma to bite me in the ass, or rather, in the face. If for no other reason, to let me know that saying "BITE ME!" is SOOOOOO out and I really should get a new saying.

So the bad news is, Animal Control still doesn't have the dog in quarantine. The worse news is, the owner of the dog brought the dog's shot records by yesterday, and his last vaccinations, including rabies, expired 11/20/05.

Oh YEAH. I told you, good times.

Dude tried to tell me his vet told him the shots were good for 5 years. Well first, there is a 1-year rabies vaccine, and a 3-year. There is NO 5-year. Second, it says right on the sheet of paper he gave me "Rabies Canine Yearly, given 11/20/04, expires 11/20/05." Could that BE any more spelled out?

The dog's name is Nemo. That's just a little too cute for a dog that bit someone in the face, don'tcha think?

Funny though, cuz right now, Finding Nemo is the name of the game.

Ouchie

Um. I don't recommend getting bitten in the face by a dog. It hurts. Just a lil bit. 22 stitches later, I think I will not forget that not all dogs are nice like most boxers and most especially my boxers...

It's not too pretty, either, trust me.

I tried to post a picture that I took with my camera phone but apparently that is just too high quality a picture for blogger.com so you will have to wait until I take one with my real camera.

Or, for a more gory shot, maybe you can request some copies from the FWPD - you know, the ones they took BEFORE I got the stitches. I am sure those are even nicer.

Good times.

Well, the pain pills are good times... as for the rest of it, I recommend skipping it.

ROTFLMAO

MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

HELP, I can't breathe.

Taken from today's Dallas Quick paper:

Sports Illustrated NFL columnist Peter King has picked the Cowboys to play the Patriots in Super Bowl XLI. "What I like about this team is it addressed almost every one of its major needs entering the off-season," King says on SI.com.

Obviously, if you've been following along, you know just about how hilarious I think that is. I am far more inclined to agree with that newspaper columnist's prediction that I wrote about previously, an 8-8 record, that being worse than last year's.

Perhaps the team has indeed addressed almost all of its major needs, which in theory could give them a shot at going to the superbowl. What is being left out of this theory, however, is the issue of personalities. Which can make, or break, a team, as we have already seen.

If you saw someone take a sharp stick and poke themselves in the eye and go down, would you then pick up the same sharp stick and poke yourself in the eye, thinking you'd get different results? Of course not. (well, not if you don't ride the short bus) And likewise, the Cowboys should have left that sharp stick alone.

One way or another, this is going to be an interesting season. Thanks for making my day, Peter King.

Time for a Change

What, you ask, has finally enticed me to remove Eminem's Curtain Call from my car's CD player?

Why, the Dixie Chicks' new Taking the Long Way, of course.

Remember back when they said what they said about the President, how horrible everyone thought that was? Including me, at the time.

Well, I don't think it was so horrible anymore. And I don't think a lot of other people think it's so horrible anymore, either, based on the fact that last night, I happened to get the very last one the store had of the Chicks' new CD, which was just released a week ago.

It would seem that generally, the "horribleness" of what they said steadily declined right along with the President's approval rating. Imagine that.

Of course, I have yet to hear their first single, the appropriate Not Ready to Make Nice, on public radio. But then, I have Sirius now, so who needs the censorship of public radio anymore? I hear the song on Sirius all of the time.

(Incidentally, Russ Martin, if you would come to Sirius I would never have to listen to public radio again!)

Also, while public radio across America may not be playing the new Chicks song, and the single as yet hasn't done particularly well on the charts, the song is currently the #1 most downloaded song on the internet.

Oh, and did I mention that their new album just debuted at #1 on the Billboard Top 200?

This, after telling America on 60 Minutes just 2 days prior to their album's release that they are not sorry for what they said, and that they do not think the President deserves their respect.

You go, girls. I'm from Texas, too, by the way, and let me say that I'm a lot prouder that the Dixie Chicks are from Texas than I am that certain other people are...

Too bad a lot more folks weren't with us on that sooner, myself included.