These Shoes Make Fart Noises When I Walk

And here are a couple of other things you can't go another moment without knowing:

No, chlorine does not kill lice. It's amazing the number of hits I've gotten from folks googling that question since I brought it up myself recently. So I consulted on it, and the answer is no.

Well, ok, chlorine actually would kill lice, if you could keep your head submerged in the pool for long enough.

It turns out the answer to the "L" word question of the other day is lesbian. Why the kid considers that such a bad word, I don't know. I'm not sure she's ever heard the word save for when she heard it during the Oklahoma screaming match (which come to think of it, you don't know about yet because I haven't told you about it yet. Suffice it to say for now there was an incident in Oklahoma and the kid says a lof of "F" "S" "B" and "L" words were tossed about). I can only think that the context in which the kid heard the "L" word led her to believe it is a word she should not repeat. Granted, 5 year olds have no business/reason to go around saying it, but it certainly is not up there with the ranks of the "F" "S" and "B" words.

It's going to be a lovely day, I can so tell. Much as yesterday was a lovely day.

Not long after I got to work yesterday, I got a call from the kid's school. Care to take a guess why?

You got it. Her teacher spotted a bug in her hair. Which I found very odd considering I had been checking (not that I ever see anything on my own, anyway), I saw nothing, no bites on her neck or behind her ears, and the kid said she wasn't itching at all. At all. Nor did I see her scratching.

Anyway, I had to pick her up immediately and she cannot go back to school until Monday. Sure, I find this out right AFTER I paid for this week. Interestingly, when I got to the school, I asked them to show me what they saw since I am no good at finding anything, and the director could not find anything to show me. Nothing. That would be, nothing. I told her the kid had just been treated 3 days before and I wasn't even supposed to do it again so soon. Know what she suggested? Hellman's mayonaise.

Ewwwwwww. No. It's icky and stinky, I don't eat it and I'm not putting it in anyone's hair. If I'm going to go through icky and stinky it's going to be with the LiceX which I know works completely in a matter of minutes. (By the way, LiceX, I'm getting some hits from folks googling to find out if you really work, and as you can see here, I am all about telling people that you really DO work and are totally awesome, so how about some free shit, huh?)

Anyway, I picked the kid up and took her over to Peggy's, who confirmed that there was nothing live, but there are a few egg sacs so I will would to treat again, which I planned to do anyway. In Peggy's opinion, since the bug was so visible to the teacher, and not burrowed down and hidden as they usually are, coupled with the fact that there were no more, it's quite likely that it had actually just jumped off another kid and onto her.

I can't wait to call the school and tell them.

Time Out

Ok, I have to put off talking about the humdinger and do this before I get my ass kicked or worse by Chris:

1. If you had to set your own work schedule; 8 hours per day; 5 days per week. Which days and hours would you choose?

If I had nothing stopping me, I would probably work from midnight to 8am, Sunday through Thursday.

2. What Reality Show would you be on and why?

Oh God. Do I have to? Really? Then I want to be on the one that I can win the most money I guess. If I really have to. Ack.

3. What is the last book you read?

Marley and Me (still reading it)

4. There are many songs that bring us back to a certain memory. What song(s) do you HATE to hear for that very reason?

Kenny Chesney - Me and You

5. If you could go back in time to be any place in world history, what time would you choose and what country/place?

Well, at this exact moment I'm pretty ticked b/c I just got my gas card bill so all I'd really like to do right now is go back to when gas was under a dollar a freaking gallon.

6. Do you know more than one language? Which one(s).

Nope. Well I can make out a word or 2 of Spanish here and there. But basically no.

7. What is your favorite blog? Please link it. One only.

Woulda

8. What is your favorite web site?

I have a lot of favorites, but this is a fun one: News of the Weird

9. Your house is on fire, the people and pets you love are safe and you can grab one other "thing", what are you taking?

All the photos I can carry

10. You have $100 to spend in the next hour. How are you spending it? (Saving it or giving it away not permitted.)

Oh, don't worry, I would never save it. I'd probably go to my favorite store, Best Buy, and buy a cool new gadget.

What the Hell is the "L" Word?

And it isn't "Love." Whatever it is, it's presumably a bad word.

Anyone? Come on, someone? Yeah, me neither. I'll explain later.

Wow, what a week. And weekend. Not sure where to start. How about if I just jump in at the end?

A week ago this past Saturday the kid went to stay with Mama for her July week. Notice I said week. A week being 7 days, for as long as I can remember. Thus, I ASSumed that the kid would return this past Saturday.

What's that you say? Well yes, of course I should have known better. Thus I highlighted the ASS in assumed.

I made several calls to Mama on Saturday, getting the voice mail each time, and each time leaving a message inquiring as to what time that day would they be here. Finally, at 9:30 p.m., when I had heard nothing back, I called again. This time, I preceded her number with *67 and blocked mine from showing up on her caller ID.

She answered on the second ring. And let me tell you, she was not a happy camper when she realized it was me. Here's how it went:

Me: (Mama's name)?
Mama: Yes?
Me: Hey, it's Wendy.
Mama: Oh.
Me: So are you guys on your way back? What time do you think you'll be here?
Mama: (snippily) I don't have to have her back until Sunday.
Me: Really? Because a week is 7 days and so she was supposed to be back today.
Mama: No, I don't have to have her back until Sunday. Did you have plans for her tomorrow?
Me: As a matter of fact I do.
Mama: Well you didn't tell me that.
Me: Of course I didn't tell you that. I saw no need. She was supposed to be back today. So what time do you think you will have her back tomorrow, then?
Mama: We'll start down there after church (church? really? You're effing kidding me, right?) and so it should be about 3:00.
Me: Ok, well, I'll be at Six Flags so you will have to drop her off at my mom's. (I just wanted Mama to know she was making the kid miss Six Flags. But remember this part. It comes into play later.)

Care to wager on what time she actually got her back here?

If you said 5:30 p.m. you would be correct.

Now, would you care to further wager on just why she was 2 1/2 hours later than planned? Well, aside from the obvious, that being that she is always later than she says she will be?

Aww, I'm sorry, that is incorrect. The correct answer is, the kid got lice again and Mama had to treat her right before they left.

What the hell is going on up there that there is STILL a lice problem in that house? According to my friend Peggy, it means someone in the household still has lice. Now I know they are hard to get rid of, believe me, but you keep at it until they're gone. You don't say F it and give up.

That is, if you're normal.

So I actually ended up not going to Six Flags yesterday after all, and instead came up to work for awhile. Mama dropped the kid off at Memaw's and I came not long after to pick her up. You can imagine how happy I was to come in and discover that she'd gotten lice again. Of course I was ready to take her right home and use the magical wonderful LiceX, but Peggy advised that since she was just treated earlier that day, I should wait 2 or 3 days before treating again with different chemicals and drying her hair completely out and possibly burning her scalp.

Frankly, while I appreciate Mama's efforts at trying to treat it, clearly whatever dimestore crap she is using is not working any better than the dimestore crap I tried, and I would rather have just used the LiceX to begin with this time. But then, that's just me - I'm never happy. Or so some would say.

So. Aside from my angst of the new round of lice, I was SO happy to see the kid. A little peace and quiet sometimes is nice, sure, but a week is just too long!

She really seemed happy to see me too when I walked in. She was actually as happy to see me as she always is to see Mama. When I walked in she squealed and hollered and fairly tripped over herself to get to me and give me a hug. I thought she was actually that happy to see me.

But then reality set in.

Kid: Where are we going?
Me: Well, we're going home in a little bit I guess, why?
Kid: (crushed) Home?
Me: Well yes, why, where did you want to go?
Kid: Six Flags

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

Me: Well Sweetie we can't go today, it's going to close in about 15 minutes.
Kid: (tears)
Me: I'm sorry but we can go one day this week after work and school for awhile.
Kid: But I wanted to go today!
Me: I know, but we can't today. So did Mama tell you I was going to take you to Six Flags when you got here or just that I was going to Six Flags today?
Kid: Just that you were going to Six Flags today.

Well WTF? What the flying fuckity fuck fuck? Why in the HELL would Mama tell the kid that?

Ok, I've given you 2 out of the 3 bits of bad news, so how about I leave you with the good news now, and save the humdinger for tomorrow? Since time is running short and all.

Mama recently asked me a question about visitation, saying she had packed away her copy of the orders somewhere. I decided to make her a copy, and also review them and find out what specifically it says about the week long summer visitations, since I was just sure that it spelled out that a week is 7 days. Since Mama was making and issue of it and all.

Well, in fact, it does not spell out that a week is 7 days. But this is because, upon review, nowhere in the final decree does it mention anything about any extended summer visitation at all, aside from her usual every other weekend. The wording was in the temporary custody order, but apparently it is not in the final decree.

Can you believe I never noticed that before?

Yeah, me either.

I Call BULLSHIT!

Talk all you want, T.O., but you are NOT either a nice guy! See, REAL nice guys don't have to go around talking about what nice guys they are. Everybody just knows. So there.

Someone Has a Bad Case of the Mondays

Except that it's Wednesday. Ack.

It seems like everyone around me is having an awful day. I, at least, am merely having a so-so day. I have to say that Jen takes the prize, reference this e-mail I got from her at 12:04 p.m. today:

OMG What a #$%$#% day. So I go to the dr yesterday who is at the hospital and the freaking hospital is on fire. So I am there forever and he wants to do labs but the lab is closed. So I get up this morning to take [the baby] to day care and I stop to get gas and when I go to leave my freaking car won't start. I call Mike who comes and sits with my car waiting on AAA and at this point I have to take [the baby] to the lab where we sit for an hour and a half which she thoroughly enjoyed. In the meantime my mom is driving from [BFE] to pick up Mike from the car dealership. I go home after the labs and have my mom hold [the baby] who suggests I take her temp because she feels hot. 102 temp. #$%$#%% So now she can't go to day care so I pack up all of her crap so my mom can keep her. Now we have to drive to [BFE] to get me a car to drive to work. I pick up the Mercedes convertible and turn it on to find there is not a drop of gas in it. So I get to fill it up with premium unleaded (has to take it) at $3.08 a gallon. WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just got to work.

But she got to drive a Mercedes convertible to work. Life is rough. Seriously, that is a pretty shitty day indeed. Mine could always be worse. Right, Stacey?

When Will He Stop? When Will He Knock the Crap Off?

In my newfound exploration of all music Eminem, I recently decided I was ready for my second CD. I like Curtain Call, but I'm ready for some new (to me) stuff.

Ok, so I'm at the store looking at a couple different CDs, and I spot the song "My Dad's Gone Crazy" on The Eminem Show.

I remembered back to when Phillip lived at my house, and I heard that song blasting out of his room. I thought it sounded cute and thought it was sweet of Eminem to make a song and include his little girl on it.

So it was based on that that I chose The Eminem Show.

The kid was with me when I bought it, and I thought she would be very excited to hear that song that Dada used to play for her.

Uh.... Clearly, I did not listen to the majority of the lyrics of this song when it was blasting out of Phillip's room, pretty much just the more innocent chorus...

Imagine my surprise when I popped my new CD in and went right to that song.

Ooops. Sorry, kid.

A Proper Entry at Last!

Well at least that is my intention. We will see just how far my workload today lets me get with it.
I hate to burst the stalker story bubble, but it's not all *that* exciting of a story. It's probably more funny than anything, that is of course if you're not me. I know that Phillip broke into peals of laughter when I told him.

Long intro short, I've been spending a little bit of time with a man who I know from my parents' store. That should tell you something right there. Daily customer. Usually several times a day. Nice enough guy when he's sober or not too drunk, but which conditions are rare for him. Completely obnoxious after he drinks over the line. At any rate, I've known him for many years through the store, and suddenly he got this bug or something and decided we needed to go out. I'd let it be known that I did not want to see him or talk to him when he'd been drinking too much. That was no matter to him, though.

And so on July 4, he wanted to spend the day together, but began drinking quite early. I had other plans anyway, involving spending the day with the kid and also getting certain things done. He wasn't happy about that, and the more he drank that day, the more he called to tell me so.

Finally I just stopped answering his calls. Which led to him calling my folks' store to ask my mom to have me call him. And then led to him going up there and hanging out half the day waiting to see if I was going to stop by. I don't think I talked to him after mid-afternoon that day, though he called many more times after that.

The day ended with us watching the fireworks display after the baseball game ended, and going home and going to bed. I saw later that he had called my phone rang a couple of times in the wee hours, but I slept through them.

To give you an idea of how many times he called though, my cell phone stores the last 60 calls. At that point, the oldest call was less than 24 hours old, and the majority of those 60 calls were from him.

About 5:30 a.m. I was sort of half-awake for whatever reason. Suddenly I thought I heard a doorbell, and the dogs took off out of the bedroom, barking their fool heads off. Sleepily, I called out to them, "it was on the tv, you guys!" (I sleep with my tv on) But suddenly I realized it hadn't come from the tv, because the news was on. Not too many doorbells ringing on the news.

So I waited, dogs barking, and sure enough not long after came KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK. At first I thought WHO in the WORLD would be at my door at 5:30 a.m.? But it didn't take me long to put 2 and 2 together. I wasn't about to open the door.

The knocking continued intermittently. I think the dogs finally got accustomed to the knocking and quit barking.

The knocking stopped for awhile and I thought Mr. Stalker had given up and gone home. But much later, the dogs went to barking again, and I woke up to hear BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM on my door again.

By then it was light outside. I rolled over and put my pillow over my head.

Moments later, there was a loud knocking on my bedroom window, followed by: "This is the Arlington Police Department. Come to the front door, NOW!".

Needless to say, I about jumped out of my skin.

I assumed at that moment that one of my neighbors had called the police on Mr. Stalker. I jumped up, threw on a robe, and went to the door. I carefully opened it and stepped outside so as to avoid a boxer break-out. The officer even said, "Don't let the dogs out!"

The officer asked me, "Do you know a Mr. Lastname?" Yes, I told him. He asked if we were having issues. I said none, other than I hadn't been answering his calls the day before. He asked me if I was all right, and I told him I was fine. Apparently Mr. Lastname called them saying he was worried about me because I wasn't answering the phone or the door. I told him that I was just fine and he let me go back inside.

I'm a pretty law-abiding citizen these days. But I would pretty much never, EVER, intentionally make a call that would bring law enforcement to my front door. So needless to say, I was not happy with the situation for a plethora of reasons.

I was grumbling about it to my mom on the phone when my call-waiting beeped in. It was Mr. Stalker. I was surprised, but answered it. He asked if I would step outside and get his keys because he was going to the hospital.

Huh?

I went outside and there I found 2 police cars and an ambulance. (Mr. Stalker told me later that at one point there had been 5 police cars, an ambulance, and a fire truck) Apparently he didn't feel well and one of the officers felt he might be having a heart attack and called an ambulance. Would I take the keys to his car and get them to his dad for him?

Ultimately he did not have a heart attack, though tests found certain minor issues for which he got prescriptions. Probably the trip to the hospital was a good thing for him, but I could have done without the stalking drama in the process.

I guess the best outcome is that he hasn't had a drink all week. How do I know this, you ask?

Because here it is Friday already and the oldest call logged on my phone is from Sunday.

Happy Weekend!

At Least I Don't Have...

...bloody poop. Like poor Cesar did. (yes, I know that is not how you spell Cesar, but that is how someone decided to spell Cesar's name and so I am stuck with it.)

Cesar had to go to the vet the other day getting that checked out. Poor boxer. He seemed to feel fine beforehand, eating and drinking and frisky, but since he went to the vet and got medicine for hookworms - he is like a brand new dog! Hooray!

So. You're on pins and needles wanting to know all about the stalker, eh? Well I have to keep your attention somehow. Assuming I actually get your attention in the first place - ha! Unfortunately I am very very busy here at work just now and I'll have to get back to you. I will. I promise. Don't give up on me. Please?

Tease

Well let's see. I've been away for a little while. Has anyone missed me? Hmmmph. That's what I thought.

I was off work all last week. It was quite nice. I was enjoying it and hoping that I would go ahead and win the lottery so that I would never have to go back to work, but alas it was not to be. So my week involved lolling around, taking care of dogs, watching a parade, fireworks, finding Jen's missing dog while she was on vacation, being stalked, visiting my brother 2x (it was nice to see him but I don't recommend that drive 2x in the same week), and wishing I'd got a lot more done than I did.

About what I expected. Well, all except for the being stalked part.

More on that later.

Ding Dong, the Wicked Lice Are Dead!!!

FINALLY. I thought I was doomed to deal with the nasty things forever. Thanks to LiceX for finally getting rid of them. It really DOES kill lice and eggs in 1 treatment. We got the official bug-free thumbs up yesterday from my friend Peggy who cuts our hair. Got that stuff off the net, and though it's expensive and I ordered the family pack of treatments, we did both of our hair with one treatment, the treatments are good sized.

Oh yes. Did I mention that *I* got the bugs too? Peggy said I had the most lice-eaten neck she had ever seen. Ever. That would be, EVER.

But WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE they are gone.

I'm off work this week and thus the lack of blogage. Lots to say when I return, will try to super blog on Saturday.

We went to visit Phillip last Sunday and are leaving again tonight for another visit tomorrow. We hadn't seen him in about 2 months, between all of the lockdowns and not being able to go a couple of times due to a dog bite and another time because of bad weather. It was nice to see him, he is growing his hair out and it looks very nice. Hopefully the kid didn't pass him any bugs because we didn't do LiceX until Monday... cross your fingers.

I'm out for now, more soon.