Happy Birthday Abby! And other misc stuffs

Today is my baby dog's 15th birthday. 14 years and 46 weeks ago I brought her home, the tiniest little miniature schnauzer, and she has been my companion and my confidante all these years; the one who has always been there, who I can say anything to (hey, talking to my dog is better than talking to myself, right?) and who can sense exactly when I need her to jump up in my lap and give me sweet puppy kisses - because she will always always be my puppy no matter how many birthdays she has. Here's to you Abby, and to hopefully many more birthdays we'll share.

Would you believe last year I took the day off to spend with her? Oh, yes, I DO love this dog. Unfortunately I couldn't do that this year, but I will take her for a special walk when we get home today.

Today is also the anniversary of when Buddy Dude found us. I heard a dog barking out front, opened the door and there he was, skin and bones but wagging and smiling, barking at one of my cats. He looked so pitiful yet friendly, so I took him a bowl of food and some water. He wolfed the food down in no time so I brought him more. After the 3rd bowl of food I figured I better stop because clearly he hadn't eaten for awhile and I didn't want to make him sick. Then I pondered what to do next, not knowing if he'd get along with my other dogs (only 2 others at that time). It was cold out and he, being short haired and absolutely no meat on him then, was shivering. I couldn't just leave him outside and besides, after being fed, watered and paid attention to, I don't think he was going anywhere anyway. So I let him inside, he got along with the other dogs just fine, and the rest is history.

I don't think that Abby thinks Buddy's the best birthday present she ever got, though.

The funny thing about Buddy is he's such a cool dog, everyone who meets him says so, and no one can believe he just showed up on my doorstep. The vet said with what he weighed when I found him, he had to have been on the streets at least 3 to 4 weeks, yet no one took him in until me. I will never understand that. I'm just grateful that my cat was in the driveway at just the right moment that day so Buddy would bark at her.

Ok, what else. My weekend didn't turn out the way that I hoped it would. The kid's mom couldn't make it down to get her this weekend after all. I realize that when you don't have a car it must be very difficult to get a 300-mile round trip ride to here from Oklahoma, and twice in the same weekend no less, but she continues to disappoint the kid about 4 out of every 5 times she promises to come get her. I really wish mama would stop telling the kid she is coming, and that way when she actually is able to make it, it could be a wonderful surprise instead of so many disappointments. The kid wasn't the only one disappointed this weekend, either. I love the kid to pieces but a quiet weekend once in awhile is certainly nice.

Quiet. I've forgotten what that's like, I think. One Saturday after my mom had spent the day with her while I worked at the liquor store, as is the norm on Saturdays, they came into the store, my mom looking completely exasperated, and mom said, "that little magpie never shuts up!"

I know she didn't mean it quite the way it sounded. But I also know exactly what she means. And my mom pretty much repeats some variation of that phrase every Saturday after spending the day with the kid, though she generally doesn't liken her to a magpie anymore.

Anyway, the new plan is for mama to come this weekend. We will see. I'm not gonna be holdin' my breath.

I know what you're thinking, if you're someone reading this and all you know about this situation is what you've read here. "Why can't you take the kid up there sometimes? She needs to see her mama"

She does need to see her mama. And I suppose that I could take her up there. But I know a thing or two about mama and how she works, and it wouldn't be a "sometimes" thing. The first time I do it will be the beginning of me doing it every time, from now on, forever and ever, amen. And I don't want that. Not even if she makes the offer of gas money, blah blah, etc. Fortunately, neither mama nor kid has ever suggested it, and I certainly haven't. I have enough on my plate taking her to see dada every few weeks, almost 700 miles round trip.

Besides, I can take mama in small doses when I must, but I really don't think I could handle being in a car with her for all that long. At least not without an iPod and a sleep mask, which would make it just a little difficult to drive.

Oh, and remember my issue in my pet peeves with hypochondriacs? Ahem. (cough cough)

Oh, no, I must be catching a cold. I'd better run get some medicine.

TGIFFF*

*you figure it out.

Ah, the sweet bliss of Friday. Or at least, I was hoping this would be a nice, peaceful, fast day but it's not working out that way. Not slammin' busy, but one of the attorneys I work for is in an extremely foul mood, leftover from yesterday afternoon, so I'm just trying to stay low-key today. The part of this job that I hate the most, when someone's that cranky...

So, who's been watching American Idol? It's on my mind today because I watched Wednesday's episode last night on my TiVo. TiVo ROCKS. Apparently like 90% of America watches judging from the ratings this show gets. It's one of my favorite shows and this to me is the best time of the show, where they have all of the people trying out but mostly just making fools of themselves.

That (ahem) rather large girl from Tuesday I think it was, with the skimpy trash outfit complete with tube top, super short skirt, hooker boots and probably the pottiest mouth they've ever had was really something. I'd like to have been a fly on the wall when she actually saw herself on television. Hate to tell ya sweetie, but the camera only added 10 of those pounds and we didn't really wanna see all that skin and other... er, stuff you were showing. Ewwwwww.

But the greatest AI puzzlement to me so far was the guy the first week, I think they called him "Dancing Dave." He was certainly an outgoing and engaging fellow, but as a songster he was awful, just terrible. And Paula and Randy let him through. What was that, the American Idol judges' equivalent to jury nullification? "Yeah, we know he sucks, but we don't care, we're letting him go to Hollywood anyway"? I can't wait to see how his next performance in the competition pans out. Ha, maybe he will end up in the top 12, what the hell do I know?

I really have little else to say today except how happy I am that it's Friday because that means tomorrow is Saturday and though I work, at least it is a different work, and that means the next day is Sunday and my only day off. This Sunday I'll be catching up on laundry and putting my new Gazelle together. Hey, oh local friends o'mine who may be reading this, anybody want to come by and help me? There might be some beer involved... I know, I know. You wish you could, but you don't want to. I understand. I have wanted a Gazelle for awhile and when I saw the "free shipping" deal (which shipping is usually like $40) I couldn't pass it up.

I'll also have to go to the grocery store and stock up on low carb foods. Oh I am soooo not looking forward to this diet thing, but it is time. Past time. This was me at the doctor the other day:



(reprinted without permission but since I'm not making any money on this please don't sue me)

Hmmmm, then again, there's pills for everything these days, right? Which one will make me taller? Because if I could just grow a few inches, everything would be proportionate again and I could forget all about this diet thing. Maybe I'll check Ebay. You can find anything on Ebay, right. Yeah, that will be my "it" thing that I'm looking for. Let me know if you come across them, will you?

Random thoughts

So I guess I probably shouldn't read my horoscope anymore. Sheesh. What a ramble. You know, one of my friends is convinced that once my anti-crazy pills kick in I won't even write in this blog any more. That was interesting to me since all I've written about so far is essentially all meaningless so how could that be any kind of "therapeutic" or whatever she thinks this is, eh? We'll see.

Neither should I give the location of my blog to people I might want to write about in it at some later point. Not that this person will probably ever look at my blog a 2nd time, it's pretty dull compared with his own blog and probably with most of the ones he's used to looking at. But, just in case he does surf mine a second time, I'd just like to say to him again, here, that, having lunch with you today made my day and I'm looking forward to this weekend. And (also just in case he does read this) that's all I'm gonna say about that. (wink)

It occurs to me that I never tied up the loose ends here on the call from the New Orleans Walgreen's thing. Then again, no one has commented or emailed me dying to know just what that turned out to be about, so I guess no one really cares (sniffle sniffle), or else you know me well enough to figure that whatever it was turned out to be much ado about nothing. Maybe I'll just let this one go and see if anyone ever asks...

Hey on a funny note I can finally take down the bit on my profile about how I work out at 24 Hour Fitness while listening to my Ipod. Plus now I'm armed with the knowledge of how much attention Jennifer pays to my blog. :Þ I'd tell that story but admittedly it would make me look like a doofus. Actually, she could tell that story if she would ever bother to comment. Though I probably wouldn't like the way she would tell it because she'd spin it badly... not that there is a particularly good spin.



And that's a wrap folks. I got nothin' else to say today. Not that I did in the first place. Enjoy another picture of my Buddy Dude.


.

Look what reading my horoscope led to

If you're looking here for something funny today, come back later. This one probably isn't gonna make you laugh much.

My horoscope for today:

Capricorn(Dec. 22-Jan. 19) Clear thinking definitely isn't your forte right now, so hold off on any big decisions -- especially ones that involve your wallet or putting your John Hancock on legal and binding agreements.

Let me just say I don't put much stock in horoscopes, but sometimes they get lucky and are right on. You know, like a stopped clock being right twice a day - it's bound to happen once in awhile.

"Clear thinking definitely isn't your forte..." HMMMM, ya think?

I probably haven't been thinking clearly for quite awhile. Years, even. Thus the ex-husband and the several general now-exes that have followed. Some of those troubles were caused by men being typical men, or worse, really bad men, but some of the troubles that arose in my post-divorce relationships had to do with the fear-of-trust-based-on-others'-bad-behavior factor, thus leading to radical and not clear-headed behavior on my part.

Who can blame them for thinking in the end that I'm nuts? I was. Still am.

Ah, but now we have the anti-crazy meds. And aren't they just da bomb? (do people still say that? I'm not exactly that up on current trends. I am sure that will change once my niece begins to thrust them upon me, but for now, I'm not so much up on them) At least the xanax rocks so far. 2 of the best nights of sleep I've had in quite awhile.

Anyway, the other day the nice doctor and I had a long talk about a lot of things. She's a regular MD so I was actually a little surprised by all of the time she spent with me. Most doctors breeze in and then breeze on to the next patient. I began by telling her the bare minimum of my chaotic life just so she would understand the general plethora of problems in my life causing all those headaches, but then she started asking questions. Uncomfortable questions. She was not surprised to hear that I've had troubled relationships with the wrong men pretty much since I started having relationships. But she did seem a bit appalled to learn it's been 2 years since I've been in a relationship.

Haven't even dated. Haven't tried. Haven't wanted to. Still don't. The last relationship was the worst one and if that's an indication of how bad things can get then I don't want or need any part of a relationship, ever. Besides, I have the kid to think about now.

The nice doctor assured me that will change. That really the crazies are a chemical imbalance and once corrected, she has often found that women make smarter choices and magically find Mr. Right.

Well, ok, she didn't say anything about magic, but she did say I should find myself making smarter choices which in theory could lead to a good relationship. She has seen it happen, to herself included.

Wow, what would that be like?

Remember When...

* Memory was something you lost with age

* An application was for employment

* A program was a TV show


* A cursor used profanity

* A keyboard was a piano

* A web was a spider's home

* A virus was the flu

* A CD was a bank account

* A hard drive was a long trip on the road

* A mouse pad was where a mouse lived (can we not talk about mice, please?)

* And if you had a 3 inch floppy,
. . . you just hoped nobody ever found out!

Got this in an email today. Thanks to my friend Mickey for making me laugh. If you'd get a blog like you keep talking about, I'd link ya, ya know.

MMMM HMMM

Naturally. As soon as I publicly admit I can't figure something out, BOOM, I get it.

Wow, you know, I just can't figure out what those lotto numbers are going to be tonight...

Ok ok ok

I've just been told that I should really have some pictures on this blog, including one of myself. I suppose that pictures could make it more interesting, though some of my favorite blogs don't have much in the way of stuff. But ok, here is the least gross picture of myself that I happened to have here. Oh, and the kid's in it too, so maybe that'll take some of the focus off of me, seeing as how she is so cute, even with her eyes closed.

This picture was about a year ago at a birthday dinner, I believe. Before my face and the rest of me started to gain so much weight. Wow, I guess my hair has grown a little more than I thought since then.

There. Are we happy(er) now? :)

(Hehehe, the good thing about putting the picture here is that one day soon it will disappear into the depths of the daily entries. See, try as I might, I can't get a stupid picture on my profile. That site that the profile setup refers you to for free webhosting just takes me around in circles. Ah, well...)

Happy Hump Day

Almost halfway through the week, woohoo.

Something very strange just happened. I got a call on my cell phone from a 504 area code. When I answered the lady said she calling from Walgreen's. I thought at first that maybe they realized how ticked I was the other night when I couldn't get my prescriptions filled there and corporate was calling to smooth things over (though I couldn't imagine they cared that much). So I started chatting about that, but she said she didn't know anything about that and started asking me about my prescription for Advair that I had turned in.

I asked her where she was located and she said Magazine Street in New Orleans. I told her I am in Dallas. I have never had a prescription for Advair and I don't have any pending prescriptions at Walgreen's and I haven't even been to New Orleans since December 2001.

She repeated my first and last name which I confirmed. Then she said she guessed it was a mistake and would take it off the list and that would be that.

Whoa Nellie, wait just a fucking minute here.

I want to know a lot more about this. How did she, at Walgreen's on Magazine Street in New Orleans, get my name and number here in Dallas/Fort Worth, and information on an alleged prescription for Advair? I think I should be concerned. This is after all the age of identity theft.

This is too weird.

Of course I don't know who or why anyone would want to be me. My credit's not that great so I can't help you there. And if you're gonna pretend to be me to get illegal prescriptions, then for goodness' sakes at least go for something besides Advair. C'mon, go for valium or xanax or vicodin, or the Tylenol with codeine at least, SOMETHING.

I checked my Walgreens account online and there's nothing unusual. Well I did note that for some reason they list 2 active prescriptions from the same doctor for Flonase, totaling 17 available refills by the end of October. So if anybody needs some Flonase... that was of course a joke. (my disclaimer in the unlikely event any law enforcement personnel happen to log on to this. So really, if you need some Flonase...)

Not to be A/R but this is troubling and I think I should get back on the phone to that Walgreen's and look into it.

Oh, the Irony

A man walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing only underwear made of Saran Wrap. The psychiatrist says, "Well, I can clearly see your nuts."

In most cases it is not quite that obvious. Fortunately for me.

Apparently the cause of all of the headaches and the recent worsening of said headaches was a combination sinus infection (ah ha! I knew it. I should have been a doctor) and having a bout of the crazies. Well, the nice doctor didn't actually say crazies, the terms she used were "stress" and "depression". I actually have suspected as much for awhile but frankly have been too unmotiviated to do anything about it. That's the crazies for ya.

A lot's gone on in the last year beginning with a specific, marked event. There was the initial flurry and worry of what's gonna happen next and we gotta make better what we can sort of make better, and fast, before all of this somehow gets even worse. Now, life has finally settled down into "this is the way it is going to be for awhile", and it's time to deal with it and try to get things back into some sort of routine.

So I left the doctor's office armed with a couple of free samples and some prescriptions. Antiobiotic and Flonase for the sinus trouble plus a couple of others to do battle with the rest. I planned to drop them off on the way to taking the kid bowling and pick them up on the way back. Simple, right?

I haven't been writing this blog long, but you should know enough by now already to know that with me, nothing is ever simple.

That's not always my fault. 5 pharmacies and an hour and a half after the initial drop-off attempt at the first, I was still trying to get the stupid prescriptions filled. 2 were "too busy, it'll be in the morning" (Walgreen's. Nevermind that the 1st Walgreen's specifically sent me to the 2nd Walgreens, who told me the same thing), and 2 did not have one of the meds in stock and had to order them (CVS).

So, basically, I'm trying to get stuff to make me not crazy, but trying to get the stuff is making me even crazier.

Oh, the irony.

But it gets better.

Eventually I got them filled at Target, though they didn't have all of 1 of them so I have to go back for the rest. Whatever, ok. I finally got home and was reading over all of the prescription information on the inserts and on the bottles, etc. You'll never guess what one of the prescriptions advises.

"May Cause Headache"

Well go fucking figure.

"Happy Monday" is SOOOOO an oxymoron

Ok, so it's Monday again and I've decided to put off the Atkins diet until tomorrow. All the Hershey kisses are gone but there's still 1 Dr Pepper in my fridge (I have learned since last week that there is no period in Dr. Pepper - isn't that just extremely interesting?). Besides, this day sucks so bad I am not going to intentionally inflict any more distress on myself.

We finally got some rain this weekend after I'd say at least a month without any. Badly needed but I must say the timing could have been better. It rained near and far to here too because we drove to Louisiana this weekend to visit my brother and I'd say that out of about 11.5 hours in the car (total, not each way), we were getting rained on for a good 8 or 9 of them. It is SUCH fun to drive I-20 in the rain in the middle of the night, and apparently not far behind a truck hauling some sort of debris that was not a matter of concern to the driver when it fell out of the truck at various stages on the highway. Had a nice visit though (I'll expound more on that another time). Did I mention I didn't sleep Saturday night due to the drive? So, stressful weekend + lack of sleep = 1 shitty Monday.

And I mean shitty literally.

Woke up later than I wanted this morning but managed to get out the door at a time that made getting to work on time at least a possibility. Until, of course, I noted as I was buckling the kid in the car that I had just stepped in something.

I am an animal lover, espeically dogs, but I'm gonna hunt down the dog that shit in my driveway.

S'okay, I thought, it just rained, grass is wet, it'll come right off. NOT. I managed to step in it such that it creeped up the side of my shoe, plus the bottom of my shoes have ridges in them, and thus my attempts at removal via wet grass failed.

All right, the water hose is right over there; I'll just turn it on slow and take care of this quickly. Did I mention there is virtually no grass by where the water hose is? Remember how I said it just rained?

Instead of cleaning my shitty shoe with the hose, I ended up with 1 shitty shoe and 1 muddy shoe. Could have been worse, I suppose. Had I pursued the idea of the hose, I no doubt would have ended up with mud splatters on my pants.

Day hasn't gotten much better from there. Work is fine, not overly busy or terribly stressed, but my daily headache attacked with a vengeance this morning. So much so I have made a doctor appointment to see if my belief that I may have a sinus infection is in fact the case. (I'll spare you the gory details aside from the daily headaches that lead me to believe this)

The only wrench in that thought is that I have been getting daily headaches long before I thought I might have a sinus infection. I just recently learned that you if you take Tylenol or Advil for something for more than 10 days in a row, you should see a doctor as that indicates there may be a problem.

10 days? Wow. Do you think it's a problem that it's been going on for weeks, months even?

I have been taking BC powders pretty much daily for some time now. And I don't just take 1, I take 2 of those puppies at a time. Works faster that way. Anyone who's ever taken BC powder knows how nasty they are. They had to make them work, no one would ever take them a second time if they didn't.

Saturday I got a headache that not even 4 BC powders and 2 Excedrin tension headache pills taken within 6 hours could touch. My headache this morning was similar, but fortunately the 2 BC's worked for the most part.

Hmmm, it just might be time to look into this.

Ugh. Could this day and this blog entry suck any more?

1 down, ? to go

I can't let the day pass without acknowledging the very kind deed my Uncle Barry did for me last night.

I was calling the dogs to come inside from the back yard last night. Buddy decided he was more interested in barking at something clear across the yard and didn't want to come in. So I traipsed out there to get him and when he saw me coming he decided he'd best make a bee-line for the house.

I'm not quite sure how I didn't notice this on my trip past it the first time, but I certainly didn't miss it on the way back. There it was, right there on the back porch - a dead rat.

Definitely a rat, too. Not one of those little mousy things the cats left out in the front driveway for me recently. No sir, this was a big honking rat.

I stifled (I think) a scream and hurried past it into the house and slammed and locked the door tightly just on the off chance that it might suddenly spring up and try to come in.

C'mon now, breathe, breathe, breathe. Don't be ridiculous. It's so obviously dead.

Then I was full of questions. How did it get there? Did one of the dogs kill it? Did it die from the poison? If it ate some of the poison and then a dog killed it, could that be a problem for the dog? And the most important question of all:

How'm I gonna get rid of it?

Nasty critters just creep me out. They make me nuts. I don't want to encounter them in any fashion, dead or alive (though if I'm forced to then definitely preferably dead), and I certainly don't want to dispose of them.

I'm such a girl that way.

Once, years ago when I was in college still living at home, and my brother was maybe 13, I got up in the middle of the night to go the bathroom and came back to find a water bug (which for anyone who doesn't know is just a nice term for "giant cockroach") on the wall over the head of my bed. I was surprised that my screams alone didn't send anyone running to the rescue, but since they didn't, I called my brother on the phone (no, this was not laziness. I didn't want to lose track of the bug. I'd have never been able to sleep in that room again if I had) and asked him (almost incoherently from his later depiction of the story) if he could come back to my room for a minute. He raced back there, thinking from the way I sounded that something was truly wrong, then dissolved in a fit of laughter. So he saved me from the water bug - then he never let me live it down.

Hey, Phillip, those things FLY you know. Do you know how scarred for life I would be if I went to swat one of those things off the wall and it flew at me?

But I digress. Back to the rat.

I knew I was gonna have to get rid of it because if, God forbid, a dog should try to bring THAT in the house and start chewing on it then that was going to be the absolute death of me.

So, I called my uncle.

To his credit, he didn't laugh, tell me not to be ridiculous or anything of the sort. In fact, I didn't even have to ask him to come over and please take the rat away - I just told him there was one, and he said he'd be there in a few minutes to take care of it.

I am pretty sure I probably sounded on the phone much the way I sounded on the phone the night of the water bug incident.

So all the way over to my house drove he, coming armed with a bag and a pair of needle nose pliers, just to pick up and dispose of the hideous nasty critter so that I would never have to take a second look at it.

I know I thanked you last night. But, thanks again. No, really. THANK YOU.

Ima Dumass

For weeks now my furnace has been making a very loud noise. It still works just fine, not that we have needed it much what with all of the 80 degree January days we are having, but all of a sudden it started being tremendously noisy. I mean loud to the point of wake-you-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night-when-it-comes-on noisy. Of course, it is just outside the bedrooms.

So, finally, I called my home warranty company and arranged for someone to come out and look at it. Even got someone to come after 5pm so I didn't have to do the whole "we'll be there between 8am and noon" thing, only to have them finally show up at noon-thirty.

Interestingly (or maybe not), when I described the problem to the home warranty lady, she told me that as long as it was still working, fixing the noise problem might not be covered under the warranty. She said they could send someone out to look at it, but if the repair wasn't covered then I would have to wait until it actually breaks to get it fixed.

Well what the fuck????????

Not only that, she said if it didn't break within 30 days of the original service call, I'd have to pay the service call fee again. So all week I have been devising various ways I can make my furnace break, just in case.

The guy shows up yesterday, opens up the closet door and takes a listen. He immediately diagnoses the problem as the air-something-something is off-center. Simple to fix. Whew.

Then, after I turned the system off and he is waiting for it to shut off completely, he looks and says, "Oh, wait. Looks like there's something in there, making it off-center."

There's...something... IN... there?

Immediately I'm thinking RAT. NO!!!!! Oh the embarrassment, the absolute humiliation. And yet, better HE should encounter said rat than me.

"Yeah, looks like it's a bag." He reaches in and pulls out a plastic Target bag.

A Target bag? A Target bag. "How did that get in there, through the closed door?" I wonder aloud.

He says he doesn't know but to turn the system back on. Nice and quiet now, almost purrs like a kitten.

A BAG. NO!!!!! Oh the embarrassment, the absolute humiliation...

"So," I say as I'm writing out my $45 check, "I'll bet this was the easiest job you've had all day."

"Actually, it wasn't. You'd be surprised how many times a day all I have to do to fix something is flip a switch."

"Ah, the breaker," I said knowingly. "Even I know to check that first if it doesn't work. But my system was working, you see. It was just noisy. Blather blather blather blather."

A vain attempt at trying to salvage my dignity.

"Yeah, it's ok," he says. "I've made service calls for dumber reasons than this."

Gee, thanks. I feel better now.

There for the party

2 tickets to Gretchen Wilson concert: $120

1 overpriced general admission parking at concert: $12

The look on the kid's face when I tell her why we're there: PRICELESS

She had the best time, and could not have been more surprised. We of course had to get a t-shirt (the smallest they had falls off of her) and a picture to remember her first concert by.


Let me say before I go any further that I would have gladly suffered anything to make her that happy.

But.

(you sensed a "but", didn't you?)

Oh. my. Gawd.

It's been a little while since I have been to a concert, and something terrible has happened during my time away. I think it has something to do with having just celebrated yet another anniversary of my 29th birthday.

Don't get me wrong, I love Gretchen Wilson too and was looking forward to the show. And I really enjoyed it - at least as much as I could with the pounding headache I got before the show even started.

Have concerts always been that LOUD? And not just the music. Credit the guy standing behind me who kept yelling "YA YA YA YOOOO!" at the top of his lungs with turning it from regular headache to pre-migraine.

By the time Gretchen was belting out a pretty awesome rendition of "Barracuda", she held a note in that song so long and so loud I swore I could feel my skull splitting right in two.

Back in the day I could party at a concert with the best of them. You know - lots of beer, stand up almost the whole show, sing along at the top of my lungs. Bitch and moan when the sober people behind us asked us to sit down so they could see.

I have become the sober people behind us.

I'd like to think it was because the kid was with me, coupled with my headache. Yeah, yeah, that's it, that must be it, it just has to be. I refuse to seriously consider the alternative.

Now I think I know how my aunt may have felt. You see, my aunt took me to my first concert too, when I was about 8. Donny and Marie Osmond.

Hell, at least I like Gretchen Wilson. My poor aunt must have really suffered.

All Jacked Up

Today is the day! The Gretchen Wilson concert. I am taking my 5-year-old niece. She doesn't know, it's a surprise, and she is going to be thrilled. She only knows I'm picking her up early and I have a surprise for her. She kept hearing about it on the radio and talking about it and finally the other day we had this conversation:

Kid: Is the all jacked up girl coming into town?
Me: Yes, sweetie, she is.
Kid: Can we go see her?
Me: Well I don't know about that, the tickets cost a lot of money.
Kid: I have some money. Can we go?

Awwwwww.

I have actually had the tickets since November. (That's a sore subject too. Paid $120 for them after fees from Ticketmaster, and now 99.5 is giving them away if you go by somewhere and let them slap a bumper sticker on your car. Ouch.)

Don't worry, I'm not going to turn this into an "auntie" blog as it were. But you really haven't seen cute until you've seen her singing "I'm here for the party, and I ain't leavin' till they throw me out. Gonna have a little fun, gonna get me some, you know I'm here..."

Bad aunt. Bad, BAD aunt!! That's all me, too. Neither one of her parents really listens to country music much.

And I know it's inevitable. I'm just waiting for it. One of these days she's going to ask:

"get me some what?"

And then I'll wish I had listened to talk radio in the car.

Because it's Just Damn Funny

Ok, I just got this in an email and I have to post it because it cracked me up


Latest addition to the Redneck Photo Album:

Anyone mind if I continue the list?

11. Neighbors. Oh, did I mention neighbors already?

So this morning I am getting in the car to leave, thinking to myself that the garbage men are going to absolutely hate me today since this is the first trash pickup day since cleaning out the garage, and there is just piles and piles of whateverthehellallofthatis waiting to be picked up, when I notice my neighbor in her driveway. I see her look over at my huge pile of garbage, see me, and give me a snooty look as she tosses her tiny bag on the curb.

Hey, you should be GLAD I am getting rid of all this crap. Less trash mucking up the neighborhood view when I have my garage door up.

Well, at least she was smoking a cigarette so I know she's not one of those anti-smoker losers.

Wendy's Top 10 Pet Peeves...

...or Things that Otherwise Just Generally Piss me Off!!!!! (some for no good reason)

In no particular order of importance:

1. People who, in a restroom with 4 stalls, and I, the only person in there at the time, am occupying the furthermost stall, come in and situate themselves in the stall right next to me. why, Why, WHY??? Space is GOOD whenever possible.

2. People who, at the elevator on the bottom floor of a building, are right there at the doors, ready to step onto the elevator the moment they open. Hey, PEOPLE, there are most likely folks needing to get off the elevator and you are IN THEIR FREAKING WAY! Most importantly, you are in MY freaking way.

3. People who run their sprinklers such that water sprays past their yard and into the street and thus I have to drive through their sprinkler and/or the puddle in the street their sprinkler has created, with my brand new used car. Hey, asshole -- next time, I'm stopping and knocking on your door for quarters for the car wash. And why the HELL are you running your sprinklers in January, anyway?

4. Hypochondriacs. I can't expound on this one much here because there are people close to me who fit this bill. Not that the one in particular I am thinking of at this moment even owns a computer or knows what a blog IS, but I'm not taking any chances. 'Nuff said.

5. Anti-smokers. I know, I know, I should quit, and someday I will (which someday will be farther out on the calendar than the someday I am going to start the diet), but in the meantime, do you MIND? I consider myself a very polite smoker, I only smoke in designated areas so if you don't like smoke, STAY OUT OF OUR DESIGNATED AREAS. I don't deliberately blow smoke at anyone or otherwise purposely subject them to second-hand smoke, so keep your disgusted sighs and grimaces and nasty comments to yourself. I am glad for you that you don't smoke but stop harassing me and everyone else who does, already!

6. Neighbors who gawk while you are cleaning out your garage. Hey, lady, I see you, staring over here while walking backwards to your front door from your mailbox. By the way, the mail doesn't run on Sundays, which is why your box was empty. Nice try.

7. Neighbors in general, while we are at it. Neighbors do all sorts of crap that pisses me off. Like parking their vehicle right across from my driveway which makes it harder for me to pull out. (Funny thing, that doesn't seem to happen anymore since my bumper accidentally brushed the door of a vehicle parked there one morning. Oh, not to worry, it was just a bumper mark, easily buffed out. I would have offered to buff it out for them but I never saw the vehicle there again, and I don't think anything has parked itself across from my driveway since.) Anyway, I'm sure I do all sorts of crap that pisses them off too. Like I keep buying cars and not selling any and my latest new used car makes 5 in my driveway now. (Well 1 isn't mine, my Dad's been storing 1 there for a few years now. Where do you think I get it from?) I am sure they wonder why 1 person needs so many cars. I don't, ok? WTF is it to you, anyway? If you'd leave me alone and let me clean out my garage in peace, I might be able to get 1 or 2 of them in there.

8. People on street corners with signs asking for money. Ok, bear with me on this one, I can't be the only person who absolutely can't stand this. I understand there are actual homeless people in need of help, and I feel for them and make proper donations accordingly. However, most of the people standing on the street corners with signs actually do that for a job. Haven't you ever noticed it is the same people all the time? For example, before my dad's store moved, it used to be on a busy corner. At the end of day this lady who'd been standing out there all day would come in with a wad of money, buy a bottle of something expensive, then ask us to call her a cab to take her 3 blocks down the street to the hotel where she was staying at because she didn't want to walk that far. Some of them are probably making more money every day than you and I make, and it's TAX FREE. I work in Dallas, where they have adopted a "zero tolerance" policy of sorts against people asking for money on the streets. It has cut it down a lot; I am rarely approached there. I really wish Arlington and Fort Worth would adopt similar laws. Ok, I'll get off the soapbox now and if I pissed anybody off - well, deal with it.

9. Driving down the road and hearing "BOOM ba BOOM ba BOOM" coming from the car next to me. Especially if all of our windows are up and my music is on too. I should not be able to hear someone else's music that clearly!!!!! What makes you think we ALL want to listen to whatever the hell that is you're listening to?

and last, but not least:

10. Installing a toilet paper roll so that the tissue unwaps from the under side of the roll. It goes OVER, dammit!

You should really take a look at demotivators if you get a chance

Never do today what you can put off until...

Monday is such a sucky day to start a diet. For that matter, any day. Besides, it'll never work as long as I have Dr. Peppers in my fridge. And Hershey kisses. Might as well eat/drink all that crap so it's not there, calling my name, right?

Just agree with me. I don't want to hear it.

Bowling night last night. We won 1 game out of 3. Hard to win when someone on the other team bowls a 296. Exciting to watch, though, but thus we lost 2 games. But, they had jello shots 2 for $1.00. YUM! Didn't have too many though. Been down that road before, thanks, in conjunction with a lot of beer. It's a painful, torturous road the entire next day, trust me. And Mondays are bad enough.


This is my boxer, Buddy. Well one of my boxers. Yes, he is at a liquor store, behind the counter at my parents' store. He showed up on my doorstep almost a year ago, thin as a rail but just a real charmer. After being unable to find his owner, I had to keep him. I HAD to. Then I adopted Callie, his boxer girlfriend, from the Texas Boxer Rescue for him to play with. All my other dogs are too little for him to play with the way he likes to play.

Buddy has suddenly developed this very bad habit in the mornings. As soon as he realizes I am awake, he will stand up, taking care to make sure he steps on my hair. As soon as I say "Aaaaauuuuggggghhhhh" in pain, Buddy takes the opportunity to stick his tongue in my mouth. Then he laughs at me, I swear. Quite a character, that Buddy. What Mr. Clever doesn't realize is he's going to be sleeping outside if he doesn't limit his French kissing to his girlfriend. And they do. See?



They are dolls, both of them. Wouldn't trade them for the world.

Rodent Update: Haven't heard any rats the last couple nights. Time to overhaul the kitchen now. Probably gonna wait till my uncle or someone braver than me can come over to be available to dispose of any corp... er, anything unpleasant I might encounter along the way. What a pleasant thought to my already fabulous Monday morning. Woohoo.

Aw, rats! No, really

Still heard a rat in the kitchen last night. Ooook oooook oooook!!!! Stuff said it might take 3 or 4 days so I'm still hopeful.

Long day today as usual on Saturdays, all day working at my parents' liquor store. BUT I got a new air hockey table! Woohoo! My dad is very in to auctions - both the online and the live kind, and he went to one today where they were auctioning off all sorts of crap. Video games, pool tables, kiddie rides, etc. I wanted a pacman video game but would you believe they went for $400??? LOVE air hockey though. It's still in the back of my truck. Tomorrow I'll be cleaning out space in my garage for it. No, wouldn't clean out space to put the Fiat in it, but for air hockey I'll get my ass cleaning.

Next week marks the start of the diet - ugh. Atkins is the most effective I've done, so all week I've been pasta-ing it up. And bread. And candy. It'll probably take me a week to lose what I gained this week.

Spending some time here to relieve stress today!

TAG! I'm it

Ok, I have been tagged by Christine (ha! I figured out how to link today! At least, I think) so here's the start to a little more about me!

1. Hum a jingle of which you know all the words.

hmmmm hmmmm hmmmhmmm hmmm hmmm hmmmhmmm....

LOUDER!!

HMMMM HMMMM HMMMHMMM HMMM HMMM HMMMHMMM.... (oh crap my boss just walked by)

Ok, now write it down so we can remember it too.

I'm a pepper, you're a pepper, she's a pepper, he's a pepper, wouldn't you like to be a pepper too? Be a pepper, drink Dr. Pepper, be a Pepper........

There's also my other favorite, I don't wanna grow up, I'm a Toys R Us kid...

2. As a kid, you played a board game over and over. And you cheated you little bastard. What was the game?

Well, excuuuuuuuuse me, but my dad was the king of all cheaters, where do you think I learned it from? I HAD to cheat to stand a shot! We used to play Connect 4 all the time. Until I caught on to him and started fighting back and he realized he had taught me too well. Then we moved on to backgammon, which I still love to play online. Impossible to cheat there though!

3. What is the name of the song that you have been singing the incorrect words all these years? What were you singing? What should you have been singing?

Well, I know there have been some but I can't think of any and they weren't all that amusing or I would remember. One that my brother did that still cracks me up is the old Kenny Rogers song, which should go:

"You picked a fine time to leave me, Lucille. With 4 hungry children and a crop in the field..."

But in Phillip's version went:

"You picked a fine time to leave me, Lucille. With 400 children..."

Hell, Lucille, you hung in there longer than I would have.

4. What is the most embarrassing childhood story that your parents drag out just to fuck with you for their own private amusement.

I've been very fortunate in that my parents don't do things like that. They did recently tell my 5-year-old niece what I used to call myself before I could pronounce my own name and try to get her to start calling me that. I don't really want to adopt the nickname "Eeenie" at this stage of my life, thanks anyway Mom.


Well that was fun, probably more fun for me than those of you reading it though. And it was a lot more fun that what I'll be doing when I get home tonight, which is scoping for dead rats. I'm trying to convince my uncle to come over and actually search them out and dispose of them. We had to put poison out up in the attic and in the kitchen cabinets last night as we kept hearing the nasty things. I absolutely hate rats, and hearing "scratch scratch scratch" coming from my kitchen just completely oooks and freaks me out. I can't go in the kitchen now without being "on guard" and ready to run screaming from the room at the slightest imagined sound. Fortunately I guess we eat out most of the time anyway.

Talking of that reminds me of the surprise I got the other day. We came home the other evening and as I unlocked and opened my front door, our poodle, Prissy (whom we adopted from the Humane Society and is a hurricane survivor. My niece's idea, she wanted a poodle. I'm more a boxer type. Have 2 of those. Plus 2 more dogs. But I digress), ran outside as she always does. I called her back inside, shut the door, told my niece to go get ready for bed, set down all my stuff, etc. A moment later I looked over at the couch and there was Prissy, surrounded by bird feathers all over the couch and floor, "gnaw gnaw gnaw"ing on a dead bird carcass. I screamed. And screamed. And screamed again for good measure. Scared the poor kid to death in the other room, but the dog was not phased a bit, just pissed when I whisk-broomed the whole mess into the dustpan and then the trash. Thanks a lot Prissy. And on my birthday, too.

The blog title says it all

Ok, so the whole reason I even started this blog was so I could delurk myself from another blog (I know I should insert link here but I am having trouble with that, sorry Christine). This could turn out to be a good thing though. Check back soon when I am not caught off guard by having to unexpectedly set this up and I actually might have something entertaining to say!