Anything You Say Can and Will...

...be used against you in a court of blog. Or a Google search. Or by a market intelligence company. Something like that.

I have mentioned before that I sometimes enjoy looking at my site meter to see how some people find their way to my humble little blog. Usually it amuses yet puzzles me, but sometimes... well, it's almost scary. So here are some of the things people Googled and found their way here. I am frankly kind of reluctant to even post some of these, but here we go:

"piping for cakes", "practice frosting" - the cake decorating entry, obviously. Borrrrrring.

"James Spader" - which, we have already discussed and subsequently deleted the Crash movie review just in case James Spader was Googling himself though we know that's not likely but it's always possible and we heart James Spader, and putting a "we" spin on this may make me seem slightly less weird so that's what we will do.

"Boston Legal" - obviously associated with James Spader; I have made several references to this, it is my favorite TV show. Speaking of which, did you see the last episode about "word salad"? Wheee, what a hoot. Almost as funny as the one where he was terrified of clowns. Anyway.

"webdings and 8" - this one puzzles me, but it pointed to the entry in which I temporarily did away with webdings hiding the word fuck.

" "ass cleaning" blog" - Very disturbing search. That is a direct copy/paste of someone's Google search, and you really don't want to know what all else comes up if you Google that. The searcher was directed to my blog entry in which I talked about getting my ass busy cleaning my garage out to make way for the air hockey table. It seemed an innocent enough statement at the time...

"teddy porm" - This is without a doubt the most disturbing. You don't at all want to know what all else comes up if you Google this, either. Let me clarify that in order to find out what people Googled to get to my site, it automatically takes me to the Google search of the same. That is apparently a phrase that sickos use to try to disguise what it is they are really looking for... I am sure you can imagine what that is, I don't care to actually spell it out and have more sickos find me. I strongly recommend against you Googling that even "just to see." Take my word for it. My innocent blog entry about the kid using the word "porm" as opposed to "poem" resulted in my blog very unfortunately turning up in this sicko's search. I should probably delete that entry or at least not have brought it up again, but it's really something I think people need to know.

"Next door Nikki" - Believe me, the kinds of things you're probably thinking come up in this search are what comes up. My blog entry about my dog Nikki, who died about 2 years ago now, prompted my blog to appear in the midst of all of the other results. Ewwww.

Someone Else's Blog - one of the referrals to my blog came from someone else's blog, but when I clicked on the link to said blog, a naked lady appeared at the top of the page, which is not at all a good thing when you are at work, eek, so I made a hasty retreat and didn't stay to try to figure out WTF. I have certainly never visited their blog and I don't know how theirs led to mine. Promise. I rarely get online except for at work, remember?

"poop clogged bathtub drain? " - another direct copy/paste. Funny, not disturbing, and a result of my entry about my dog bathing adventures. Hopefully the searcher's problem was also dog poop and not um, any other sort of poop... which does bring to my mind the story of how when I was a little girl I was taking a bath and hollering at my mom that I needed to get out to go potty, only she didn't hear me, and I didn't think I was supposed to get out of the tub without her, which I probably wasn't, and so when she finally came in, she found me sitting in the tub with a turd floating in it and I had to start my bath all over again. Poor Mom. I do remember her laughing, at least. But anyway... moving along.

Oh, hey, as another aside, this last one did lead me to a highly amusing site: http://www.poopreport.com/Stories/Content/daily.html
Ok, yes, I reluctantly admit, one of my guilty pleasures is toilet humor. Some toilet humor, the actual humorous kind, not any really weird shit, pun intended... Which reminds me, I'll have to make sure I tell Jen about that site... (Just, whatever you do, don't don't don't read the entry titled "the grossest thing I ever saw." It was submitted by a nurse working in an ER. I couldn't even finish it.)

"turds survey" - also leading to the dog bath entry. I have no clue what sort of survey a turds survey might be, but if there was such a survey, I would probably be amused by it.

"Broken dishwasher clump of soap?" - some other poor soul has a broken dishwasher with a clump of soap in the bottom of it, apparently. Best wishes to you, and may your problem not stem from rats and be easily and inexpensively fixable... I still don't have a new and/or working dishwasher, in case anyone was wondering.

"webdings, craigslist" - if you've been following along the blog, it's obvious why my blog appeared on this search. What's not obvious is why anyone would search those 2 things together. Webdings is a font, not something for sale on craigslist...

"oven temperature to bake stouffer's lasagna" - I suppose a reasonable search request, if one has somehow lost their Stouffer's lasagna box between the time they took the lasagna out of it and the time they want to preheat the oven. Unfortunately for them the answer was not to be found in my entry in which I talked about my fairly new oven and how I have yet to cook anything of real substance in it.

"Carrie Underwood" - I am sure the searcher was sorely disappointed in being pointed to my blog in which I claim in not so many words to be an American Idol picking genius. Damn Paula's new contract, it should have been mine!

This one cracks me up, completely. There is one has appeared several, several times on my list, but when you click on the link, it just takes you to a login page, with no links. I finally tracked down their home page, and it is a "market intelligence company" which "tracks, analyzes and distills consumer opinions and perceptions of the online world – consisting of more than 27 million blogs, message boards, opinion sites and other public forums – into insights about companies, products, people and issues."

A market intelligence company is analyzing my blog?

Muhahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!! I'd like to read that report when they are done. Hear that, oh analyzer of me? I know you are reading this. Can I get a copy of your report on me when you are done?

And finally...

"what the hell am i doing" - Someone actually searched for that. Ah, it's so gratifying to know that I am not the only one who has ever had that thought.

What are some of the strange searches people have done and found your blog?

Happy Weekend!