Fortunately I work for a law firm, I'm sure I can get a referral. Maybe even a discount. I'll probably have to go with the temporary insanity defense. Oooh, wait, I know, can Alan Shore/ James Spader be my attorney? He could get me off for sure. (Get your mind out of the gutter, that isn't what I meant. But now that I think of it... oh my... )
I'll need an attorney because if I have to hear one more person say, "Yippee! We got Terrell Owens! Wait, what's that you say? Go Colts?? Oh, pssshaw. You'll get over that when T.O. starts catching touchdowns," I am going to clobber them. Right over the head. With a hammer. Multiple times. Until they're quiet. Very, very quiet.
Shut UP already. You idiots are positively gleeful that Jerry signed this moron. Am I the only one who remembers he stomped on our star? He is an ass. The biggest ass in the NFL, and the NFL has some biiiiiiiiiiig asses.
How come I don't know any of those folks who see things the way I do according to the comments they post online in response to various news articles on the subject? Where are those people, and how do I trade my current friends and acquaintances in for them?
Oh, come on, my friends, I am just kidding. I wouldn't trade any of you. That is, assuming you plan to shut up about how happy you are about this soon, as in NOW. This is just going to have to be one of those subjects we don't discuss. Let's see, what are we up to now? Politics, religion, my choices in men, and the Cowboys signing T.O. Make a note of it.
I have a feeling that Bill Parcells just may be one of those folks who sees things the way I do. He was noticeably absent from the press conference when the big announcement was made. Of course, granted, he's been absent from all press conferences here lately, but this was BIG NEWS, man. Parcells should have been there.
And thus, the unraveling of the Cowboys begins. But don't worry. When all is said and done, I won't say I told you so. Well, ok, yes, I will. Or maybe I will be such a Colts fan that I will simply have ceased to care at all by then.
Nah. I'm very definitely getting in an "I told you so."
This is when it is helpful that Jen doesn't like football at all. Most of the time I really hate that she doesn't, but right now it is awesome. At least I have one friend who won't "yippee" in my face.
On the upside, I'm about to make a fortune on Ebay, posting all of my Cowboys items for sale. I'll need the money to pay for that expensive DirecTv NFL package so I can see all the Colts games. Because how many Colts games do they show in Dallas on network TV?
And to think, I loved the Cowboys so much that I even have a Cowboys tattoo on my ankle. It is a baby seal wearing a toboggan that says Cowboys and has a star on it. So now I have a major dilemma.
Anyone know a tattoo artist who can turn a star into a horseshoe and "Cowboys" into "Colts"? Well, actually, I guess we're good to go on the the "Co", I just need "wboys" turned into "lts". Anyone?
Oh, and did I mention, GO, COLTS!
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